Ignis knows what's to come and he doesn't like it one bit. His heart hurts and swells at the same time. Ignis is generally touched by those simple words. Yes, there had been days where it was frustrating taking care of the prince, no King, that's standing before him, but he wouldn't change a thing.
He can't help but let the tears roll down his cheeks, a small smile on his face. It's sad.
So much has changed in the past ten years. Ignis had found his footing in battles and cooking again. He waited for the day for Noctis to come out of the crystal, but while he knew he'll get to say hello, but he had to also say good-bye. He doesn't want to say good-bye to his dearest friend.
Sometimes he curses that vision he had gotten. There were times where he didn't want to know this. Noctis' fate. It's been ten years since then and he still hasn't accepted it. He tried to find a way to save both Noctis and the world, but he'd failed. Now that the final night is here, he can't help but feel like a failure in that regard. His sworn duty was -is- to protect Noctis and he took that role seriously. Perhaps a bit too seriously. He's a failure.
He exhales a breath as if to calm himself, but it doesn't work. Another tear runs down his face.
He cares very, very deeply for Noctis. His whole life has been wrapped up in Noctis that it's just hard for him to accept a life without him. He can't do it. As both of Noctis' hands clutch his own, he's taken back to the first day they met. Ignis was only six years old, Noctis a fair bit younger. Ignis squeezes one of Noctis' hands in his own. ]
... Noct. [ voice almost a whisper, cracking at the edges. His own voice betraying the way how he feels right in this moment. He can't think of anything else to say. Noctis doesn't know that he knows what's to happen to his friend. No, brother. Six, he can't do this. He needs Noctis' strength if he's going to be able to move on.
Gladio and Prompto had protested when Ignis had gotten up, but he ignored them. They didn't put up too much of a fight when Ignis made his way to where Noctis was standing.
Ten years without Noctis at his side, he buried himself in hunts, cooked for Cid and did other things to try to make time fly faster when he wasn't looking into saving Noctis.
"Looking." He still can't see, it's a price that he had paid in Altissia all of those years ago. Noctis still doesn't know about that one either. So much that he's keeping from Noctis....
Another sharp breath escapes him. He knows Noctis is ten years older now, but he can't help but see him as the twenty year old from years ago. He wishes he could see his brother one last time. But this will have to do.
Ignis stands before Noctis, trying to put on a brave face, but failing. Tone of voice and tears giving him away. ]
[It's hard to watch Ignis cry. He can probably count the number of times he's seen it happen in their lifetime on one hand; Ignis was never fond of showing his pain like that, wanting to be the strong and stalwart supporter of his charge, even when they were both still children. He was just... Iggy, always Iggy. Supportive to a fault, indulgent without being unreasonable. They didn't always get along flawlessly, they had plenty of differing priorities, but no one knew him like Ignis. He'd been there for everything.
Quietly, he's glad that Ignis can't see him like this. He'd only seen himself in the mirror at Hammerhead briefly, when he'd been given one last chance to clean up and make himself presentable before he marched himself towards the end. Poke at the beard he doesn't remember growing, brush the hair that falls past his shoulders in strange waves, study the tired lines of aging beyond his years the way his father did as the ring sapped his strength. He envies the others a little, for getting the chance to grow slowly and witness their changes over time, even if it all occurred in a horrible hellscape of a world. His father used to joke that he grew up too quickly, in a voice fond and sad in ways that Noctis didn't understand. Staring into the mirror and seeing a stranger stare back at him with only ghosts of familiar features... it's ironic in retrospect, with a painful little twinge in his heart. Ten years had come and gone in a fraction of time for him, too fast, with little time to reflect on everything he's missed: a full third of the lives of his dearest friends, probably half-forgotten by the people he was meant to protect, a king in name only. Stretched to fit into a body he no longer knows, a face he barely recognizes. The whole thing felt like overnight while at the same time an eternity, but here he is at the end of it all.
Ignis didn't get to see himself grow, either. But it means that in their hearts they can still be as they were- young, and wild, and stupid in ways that no one else understood. And it's only the end for him- he's here to make sure that everyone else has a future.
He doesn't acknowledge the tears, but he doesn't let go of Ignis' hand right away, either. Letting go means that this moment is over, and he's not sure if he's ready for that yet. His feelings on what's to come are... complicated, understandably. He's made his peace, but that only means he'll follow through with his duty, as he always has despite complaints or the grief that made him falter at times, despite how it has never once brought him joy. He'd also said he had no regrets; that's true, but only because he'd been forced to let them go, lest they overwhelm him and make him falter. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to think about everything he's about to lose. The brothers who gather around him here and now, Ignis at his side, Gladio and Prompto at camp giving them some space. His life, any chance he might have at being a proper king. Any adventures they might have together, exploring the world, helping people, discovering incredible new places none of them could have ever imagined. The love he carries for this world and everything in it.
He'll let the last of those regrets go, before it's over. But... right now... he doesn't want to move forward. Just a little longer. They've waited ten years- just a little longer-]
[ The sound of Noctis' voice snaps him out of his grief for a second. He's a bit surprised at the request, but he doesn't mind. Hell, Ignis wants to be selfish and spend time with Noctis as much as he can. ]
O-of course. [ His tone is still betraying his emotions, always a deep sadness hidden there. ] Away from the others.
[ Ignis has gotten good at walking around, a skilled hunter to where he doesn't need a cane anymore. He's long since trashed it. Still, he'll let Noctis lead the way. Always following and loyal to a fault. ]
[Noctis leads them a little bit away, not quite beyond the safety of the firelight, or so far that he's likely to stumble on his way back - unused to the dark, unlike Ignis - but just far enough that their voices won't echo as easily back to camp, and so he can feel the dark around him, a slice of what Ignis must experience every day. They're by the edge of the cliff overlooking the bay of water near Insomnia's highway; he can see a dim glow of the city in the far distance, reminding him of the now-lost Crystal and the way the Citadel always glowed, like their home's perpetual nightlight that held at bay all the monsters of the dark. It's weird to hear only silence, now. It was always noisy, even at night.
He murmurs to Ignis where the edge is and sits down carefully with him, only loosening his grip once they're settled. He shuffles forward just enough to let his legs dangle, as he was so often fond of doing on roofs and balconies, half because he liked it and half to make Ignis sigh about perceived dangers. Though it would be ironic to endure everything for so long only to die from falling off a cliff right at the finish line. Thank the gods for the power to warp.]
I missed so much... what about you? Got one more lecture for me? Anything you'll regret, if you don't take care of it tonight?
[A kinder way to say any last words, he hopes. It's not as if they'll get another chance to talk privately after this.]
[ Ignis follows without question, keeping his thoughts mostly to himself. He's used to the dark and he even though he's confident to walk around without a cane, he's still a bit on the careful side. Ten years and he's gotten a bit burned before by tripping unexpectedly.
He hears the murmur and moves to sit next to Noctis, though he doesn't dangle his own legs over the edge. He pulls a leg up to his chest and lets his eblow rest on his knee with his free arm. He can feel Noctis' grip loosen in his own hand, but he re tightens it. Afraid to let go, what if Noctis....
No. He will not think such things right now.
His heart is split in two, he knows that. While he had been happy to hear Noctis is back, on the other hand he's flat out depressed by it. And no wonder, he's kept a lot to himself over these past ten long years. He can feel his resolve to stay strong for Noctis breaking. He holds firm though, he knows that once he starts talking... it's a done deal. He won't be able to hold back.
Lecture? He wants to laugh, but he doesn't. Had he been his usual self, he would've made some smart comment back. Instead, he thinks quietly, wondering how much he should tell.
The truth? All of it.
He exhales a breath. ] I... know what's to become of you. [ he says softly, letting his chin drop to his chest. That's all he can say for right now, hopefully it's enough to explain his mood. ]
[Noctis frowns at that, not understanding what he means at first; Ignis can't see it, but it shows in his voice as he responds, confusion laced with morbid amusement.]
Well, yeah. I just told you guys everything.
[Seated around the campfire together, their last night, he'd had to share his fate with them all. He had been tempted for a while to keep it to himself, wait until they reached the Citadel and defeated Ardyn, so there'd be no turning back or trying to stop him. In the end, though, he couldn't do that to them. He needed them to know, so they could let him choose, so they could come to terms with it and not give him cause to falter on those steps to the throne. He had to trust them.
A part of him had expected more objections, had braced himself for an argument. They must have already known that there would be a high price to pay, as there always was with gods and Crystals. To lose his life in one go, after just getting him back, though... he figured it would be a hard pill to swallow. And it was, of course it was. They cherished him, missed him. They'd hated it. But there'd been little fighting over the matter in the end, just grief and resignation. Ten years in the dark was a long, long time. Maybe the real reason Bahamut made him wait all those years was so that no one would try to stop him.
He's mostly surprised to hear Ignis bringing it up again. He'd assumed that once the decision was made, there'd be no more talking about it, so they could all pretend it was a normal old adventure, just the four of them, rather than pallbearers carrying the king to his grave.]
[ He sighs a little, squeezing Noctis' hand. His fault, he should have been more clear. ]
... I've known since Altissia. [ he clarifies. ] I'm sorry, Noct, but I've known for ten years.
I've tried looking into ways to save you, but... [ he failed. ]
... and when I asked you to stop the journey in Altissia, that was a move on my part hoping that I could save you.
[ Ten years of inner conflict, struggling to try to come to terms with what he knows. He didn't tell Gladio or Prompto so tonight was the first that they heard of it, it was no surprise to Ignis. Even after hearing it from Noctis tonight, he still can't accept it. ]
I ran into Lady Lunafreya's dog on the altar in Altissia and I was given a vision of what was to come there. I didn't want to believe in what I saw. I couldn't. [ he lifts his head up as if to look at the night sky, but not really looking at it. He'd never forget that day in Altissia.
Ten years of grief boiling up to the surface now, but he holds it back. ]
[Oh. Oh, gods. He didn't- that's not what he'd expected to hear at all.
Noct's posture is stiff at his side, his hand going tense in Ignis'. Since Altissia... that's so long ago, for him to have known. Months for Noct, years for Ignis, and all along he'd carried that weight. He'd tried to come up with alternatives, but Noctis isn't surprised to hear there were none; thousands of years, and the ancient wisdom of the Astrals wasn't enough to come up with other ideas. His fate was sealed, and... Ignis knew, and never told him.
Ages ago, he might have been angry at the secret kept. He might've yelled or snapped, demanded answers, more details. To hear his excuses as to why it had been hidden from him, to leave him unprepared for his own death until it was too late.
Now, though... now, he can stop, and think, and breathe, and he can guess at why. There's plenty of reasons. To keep him safe, to protect him from more pain before it was forced upon him, to let him recover from all the grief that was already threatening to overwhelm him. To hear about his own death right after learning of Luna's could have broken him. He wouldn't blame Ignis for trying to protect himself, either. Bahamut's revelation had been cold and heartless, leaving no room for protests or demands to be spared. To have heard that from Ignis instead would have hurt both of them.
The silence lingers between them for a while as he lets those words sink in, until finally, shakily, he exhales a breath and murmurs,]
That's why... you said we should stop.
["We've already lost so much." With more to lose, so much more. And Ignis alone had known it.]
[ "Too much." He recalls his own words quite well. He also recalls Noctis not being too thrilled with the suggestion. He had kept this a secret to protect Noctis, he was already grieving over Luna's death. ]
Yes. [ a small shake of his voice ] I didn't want you to die, Noct and I still don't.
... but I will stand with you until the very end.
[ Ignis is quiet before he gets out: ] I'm... not ready to say good-bye. [ Is it cold out? He can't tell since he's starting to tremble a bit. Six, not now. He takes a steady breath.
No amount of preparation could prepare him for this moment. He's had ten years after all, but it's still rather difficult for him to let Noctis go. He knows how selfish he's being, but he doesn't want to let him go. ]
[The shiver is noticeable, of course- with their hands joined, it would be hard to miss. Noctis purses his lips tightly, not sure what to do or say. His duty isn't going to wait for any of them to be ready for it- it's coming, like it or not. The longer he puts it off, the more people are surely dying out there in the dark, falling the daemons, starving due to limited resources, maybe worse. Plenty have surely lost hope that the light will ever come back, after this long. Even lingering like this, for a self-indulgent conversation when they should be resting and preparing for tomorrow... it's an unnecessary hesitation. Some might call it wasteful.
That won't make him tell Ignis to just get over it, though. If their roles were reversed, he'd be falling apart inside and out, desperate for another way, and if not, then to hold on to every second they have left together.]
I know... I'm sorry. I've got the easy part...
[He just has to die. It's terrible, painful. He doesn't want it. But he's not the one who has to live with the consequences afterwards.]
He wants to laugh out of bitterness, but he doesn't. He exhales another breath before he goes to respond, opening his mouth to speak, but it comes out as a chocked sob. He's stunned, he can feel the lump in his throat.
Ignis is shaking. Oh god, he's breaking. The dams burst open and there's nothing he can do to stop it.
He's always the level-headed one in the group, always being the strong one. But he can't be right now. He shakes their joined hands free and shifts his body a bit, opening his arm up to invite Noctis into a hug. The plea is there, quietly begging for that hug as he struggles to hold on.
Another sob wracks his body.
Ten years of grief, guilt and the weight on his shoulders want to come out. He's never talked about this with anyone else before. Not until now, not until he wanted to with the one person who matters the most to him.
I'm sorry, he wants to say, but he can't speak. Tears are streaming down his face as he surrenders to his emotions at last.
[There's no hesitation. As soon as Ignis opens up, as soon as the tears roll down his cheeks, Noctis reaches back and pulls him in, wrapping both arms around the other man in as strong a hold as he can muster, as if the very thought of letting go is painful. One hand finds Ignis' hair, fingers curling in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. Ignis has had to be so strong for so long. He doesn't need to have been here to know that; a ten year separation can't change the fact that he's come to recognize the signs when Ignis is holding back more than he should, over the years they've been together. He's been walking tall this whole time, he's more than earned the right to cry.]
It's okay, [he whispers, even though it isn't.] It'll be okay.
[He won't say it'll be easy. They both know that's not so. He won't say that Ignis will move on and find joy in the life he lives beyond tomorrow; neither can know for sure. But he needs to believe in that. He needs, desperately, to believe that his friends will be happy without him, will find purpose and meaning in their existence, live their lives day by day enjoying the sun they earned the right to stand in once more. Gladio will marry that girl he was talking about at Hammerhead, Prompto will become a brilliant photographer and get stupidly rich, and Ignis... he doesn't know what Ignis will do. He's never known Ignis to have any dreams or ambitions that ventured beyond his future tethered to Noct's side as his advisor, chamberlain, eternal friend. He doesn't know what he'll do when that future is dead and buried.
But he can find it. He'll have the freedom to try. That's what Noct is fighting for, it's what he's dying for. His friends having a future is always going to outweigh the fear of what awaits him. He'll give them the sun, and if they at least remember him, that'll be enough.
He closes his eyes, tilting his head against his friend's, and just holds him as he cries, as long as Ignis needs it. He doesn't have to say goodbye, not right now.]
[ As soon as he feels Noctis' arms go around him, he's quick to return the hug, squeezing Noctis hard like he's afraid to let go himself. He doesn't have a lot of strength in him, weakened by his mental state. He attempts to bury his face against Noctis' shoulder, taking in his comfort.
The hand in his hair is a trick that he knows too well, he's used it on Noctis before when they were kids. It helps a tiny amount, but not by much.
No, he thinks. Things won't be okay.
The world will go back to normal. The never ending night will break away along with the daemons, bringing out the first hint of light for the first time in years. People will have to rebuild and restart their lives.
But at a cost that Ignis isn't willing to pay so easily. This is his friend, his brother and his best friend marching to his death. One life to save the world is just far too much.
As the sobs continue to wrack his body, he's taken back to Altissia, recalling Ravus' own grief, recalling his own grief. But he'd never forget Ravus' agony upon losing his sister. Ravus had been forced to move on despite losing someone that he loves. Ignis didn't think that he'd be in this position.
He's never cried as hard as he is in this moment and it's not loosing up anytime soon. ]
--------
[ It takes a while, but the sobs have long since quieted. Tears are still rolling down his cheeks, the shaking has lessened up a bit. ]
Noct. [ voice strained by all of the crying he's done. ] Thank you.
[ he takes a deep breath as he lifts his head up from Noctis' shoulder, moving to press his cheek against Noctis'. ] I don't think I could forget you, even if I tried to. Not that I want to. I'll never forget you, Noct and that's a promise.
[ he moves one of his hands to Noctis' own hair, surprised at the length of it. He does the same as Noctis just did for him. ]
You're my best friend, my brother and the first friend that I ever had.
[ He knows that he's pouring his heart out and it isn't like him to, but he knows that he won't get a chance like this again. No holding back his feelings. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down a bit more, he's not 100% better, but this is a start.
He feels like some of the weight has been lifted off his chest. He squeezes Noctis a bit tighter as the next words come out. ]
[Even Noctis can't help his own tears escaping while Ignis weeps, though he makes no sound; he'd cried enough for himself already, the grief balled up tight in his throat, unwilling to allow himself to be selfish. He'd shared that pain at the campfire- this moment is for Ignis. Still, he cheek is damp as Ignis brushes against him, and as more words come to shatter his calm, more well up in his eyes and slowly trail down as he exhales a huff of not-quite laughter and bows his head.]
You asshole... [There's no anger or mockery in his tone, just a quiet sadness he can't quell.] You're not allowed to give me more reasons to stay.
[He can't. He can't, the world is already dying and barely existing on the edge. If they don't act soon, humans will die out, the planet won't be able to recover even after the sun's back. Ardyn won't wait peacefully forever either, once the rumours of his return spread around.
But gods he wants to stay with his family, with the people who love him. They deserve to hear it too, though, even if nothing's allowed to come of it. Ignis more than anyone else, who's stood by him through everything, supported him despite knowing he was going to die and that everything they've worked for their whole lives was for nothing, when that alongside his blindness would have been the perfect excuse to just... go home. Find a life for himself, one not risked by aiding and escorting the walking dead. Instead, he'd stayed. They're only this far because Ignis stayed.
He clenches his eyes shut tightly, shifting to rest his forehead against Ignis', their shaken breaths mingling in the air between them, proof that they're both still alive. This is... heavy. But it's a good weight, and one he'll happily bear, in stark contrast with everything else on his shoulders.]
I love you, too. [Years ago, those small, simple words had been so hard. Why? It meant so much to hear it, and yet he'd held back despite how he felt. What a coward he's been.] Whenever I needed someone, you were there. I can't ever repay you for it all, but... I'm glad it was you, Iggy.
[ He's not sorry in the least bit. Sorry, Noct. This night isn't just for Ignis, it's for them. He doesn't want to live with regrets. He's not taking back the things he just said, no way in hell.
As their foreheads touch, he's perfectly aware of how close they are. He's touched by Noctis' words, he needed to hear that, on both counts.
It's funny, he thinks. He had originally followed Noctis to offer up his comfort, but did the tables turn rather quickly on him. He didn't realize how badly he needed the comfort himself. He knows that Noctis needs it too, hell, he'll be worried if Noctis wasn't afraid of what's to come.
He removes his glasses off his face, careful not to break the contact that they're sharing. He gently places them down on the ground by them. He wants to give Noctis a chance to look into his eyes.
He's relying heavily on his sense of touch to see. The hand that had been in Noctis' hair moves slowly towards his cheek, thumb idly brushing away the tears there. He doesn't like it when Noctis is upset, though he doesn't fault him at all in this case.
A couple of minutes pass by them.
He throws out logic and reason, throwing out the formalities. Though, the logic in him wants to speak up, but he shuts it down. Had this been any other night or situation, he'd listen to that voice. Instead, he's listening to his heart tonight. ]
You're worth everything. [ voice a whisper. The pain. The stress. The love and care. Everything that's he's been through and that they've been through, it's been worth it to Ignis. He wouldn't change a thing.
He tilts Noctis' chin up a bit. There's no hesitation as he shuts the distance, lips meeting Noctis', though clumsy. He shuts his eyes as he wraps his free arm back around Noctis. He's not sure how Noct is going to respond to this, but he puts everything that he's been feeling into this simple act.
He's never thought of things like this before. Romance, love. That's been the furthest thing from his mind. Until now, he supposes. He's never had a reason to share such an inmate moment with someone. He's not sure what's come over him all of a sudden to get him to kiss Noctis like this, but he's not thinking too hard about it. It's Noct.
Fresh tears streak down his face, a mix of emotions. Happy. Sad. Love. Even anger at the Gods. The most important thing he feels is the care and love that he has for Noctis. His stomach is doing flops, his head spinning. Still, he doesn't let go and he won't unless Noctis wants him to. ]
[He's surprised to see the glasses gone as Ignis removes them; it's been rare for him to go without since Altissia, preferring to (understandably) cover his lack of eyesight rather than draw more attention to it. He can't see very well in the dark, all the colours faded to shades of grey, but it's still nice to get even a glimpse of the eyes he's missed for so long. Ignis used to be expressive even behind the glasses- fond, exasperated, tired, annoyed, amused. He displayed a whole gamut of emotions when they were alone and he wasn't just trying to put on an air of professionalism and calm. Here in the dark, he looks... sad, of course, but unless he's imagining it - hoping it into his perception, maybe - there must be some relief in that gaze. Even for just a night, they're together again. After ten years of waiting, who wouldn't be relieved?
He says nothing, letting Ignis explore his face, re-learn the contours and details, things that Noctis himself is still just as unfamiliar with. He blinks rapidly as the tears are noticed, fighting back against more. He thinks he's at least able to hold himself together well enough for a while, quiet and dignified as anyone might expect from their king.
And then Ignis says that, and kisses him, and Noctis feels himself fall apart a little, fraying at the weak seams holding together his calm.
"Worth everything." He's not, he shouldn't be. Ignis deserves better than this, better than the mess he became, better than his bad attitude and awkward personality. Someone regal and powerful, like his dad or the Founder King. He's just... Noct. Good at nothing a leader should be good at, only has to be good at fighting and dying. He couldn't even save Luna, and he doesn't want to fail to safe Ignis, either. (Again.) Even with all of that... Ignis is kissing him, holding him.
A soft noise escapes his lips, startled, faintly objecting, but he doesn't move away, merely lets himself be held, closing his eyes and clumsily tilts his head as he accepts the kiss for what it is and everything it represents: Ignis' feelings, whatever he wants to convey that words can't explain. How long as he wanted this? Has he been quietly suffering from this, too? He hopes it hasn't been long. Ignis is the one worth everything. He's worth the world, and he deserves it. He deserves to be happy. If this makes him happy, then-
-but it won't last. A single moment can't be enough, all they have is tonight, and then-
With a muffled curse he breaks away, his breath catching. No.] Iggy- Iggy, we can't- [they can, though. they just did.] You shouldn't- [that's not up to him.] why would you want this? [there it is.] I can't give you anything, I can't...
[Subconsciously he tilts his head forward, his lips ghosting across Ignis' a second time, but he forces himself back again. No.]
...There's no future for this. You deserve more than that.
[ He's a bit surprised when Noctis is accepting of this at first, but when the muffled curse hits, he's taken back. He pulls away, wanting to give Noctis space but is hit with a second kiss, though brief. ]
I bloody well know that. [ there's no malice or anger to his tone, just flat out sadness and grief there. He's not looking into starting anything here, he knows that nothing can come out of it. He's too smart for that. ]
N-noct. [ the lump is forming in the back of throat, making it difficult to speak. He takes a shaky breath, wondering where to start. Six, he wishes he has more time to figure out his feelings, but he doesn't have that luxury. Time is against them.
He still has his arm around Noctis, he hasn't pulled away completely. His free hand fishes for Noctis' and he holds it firm in his own. Still afraid to let go. ]
For ten years, [ he begins slowly ] I've been struggling to come to terms with this, of what's to come. It's been a long road, but [ he voice cracks as he admits it out loud, the terms that he's accepted what's to come. If he's honest with himself, he hasn't fully accepted it. ] I don't want you to die.
[ Fresh tears roll down his cheeks, as if saying it out loud breaks him. No, he's already broken down once tonight, he'll have more time for that later. ]
All I want, is a moment with you. [ Six, help him. He can't do this. He needs to, if he wants the closer that he desires. ]
All I want--- [ he shakes his head a little, no that's not right. ] No, need a way to say goodbye... [ without actually saying it. ]
[Noctis is quiet as he listens to Ignis' answer, thoughtful and cautious. Even when Ignis is done, he gives himself a little longer to just... think. About what this is, about what his best action here is. About what he wants, on his last night here on this world. Of course he doesn't need to tell Ignis that this is it. He's had years to come to terms with it- years more than Noct for sure. And more time in the dark than almost anyone else. To doubt what Ignis is saying and feeling is to do him a disservice.
What about him, though? If this is his last free night alive, he should be allowed to do what he wants, as long as it doesn't jeopardize what comes tomorrow. So no commitments to survive, no promises, no hope. That still leaves a few options. If they both understand then... does it hurt, really? To let this happen? To accept this offered gift? It's just kissing. Kissing can't change fate. It can't stop the gods from claiming his life.
He knows he loves Ignis. Is he in love with him? That, he doesn't know. There's been no time to consider, since Insomnia. There's no great romance here. It's like when Luna died, stolen away before anything could come of their promised life together. He didn't know everything that she wanted, didn't understand what his true role would be beyond an assigned husband, but he'd felt warmth, at the thought of being with her. Of sharing himself, discovering what they were meant to be. He feels this for Ignis, now- a curiosity at the potential he'd never let himself consider, a warm craving for affection and comfort in the dark. A longing to make someone he loves happy, with whatever ability to do so is within his power.
He... doesn't have to know, ultimately. If he's in love. The answer won't change anything, can only hurt them. All he has to do is let himself feel, and follow where those feelings guide him.]
...Okay, [is his whispered response, finally. His free hand shifts to brush over Ignis' cheek, wiping a tear, watching his expression carefully.] If this is what you want, then... it's yours.
[I'm yours. For one night only, he can belong to his oldest and dearest friend, he can be loved. In the morning, the world and the gods can have him back. Tonight is theirs.]
[ When he's done talking, Noctis is well, quiet. Ignis doesn't blame him in the slightest bit here. As Noctis thinks on his own, he tries to pull apart his own feelings here.
Of course, he loves Noctis. Though he suspects that he's in love with him, he can't be sure. If he's in love with Noctis, he won't be able to pinpoint as to when that happened. He was just going with his feelings when he kissed Noctis, not giving them any thought. It felt right to in the moment and that's something he's never felt before. To act on his feelings, to listen to his heart is a new ball game to him.
He gives Noctis' hand a squeeze as he waits a bit more. It's their last night together. They've known each other since they were children, going way back to ripe age of six for Ignis. Noctis has been such a constant person in his life, it's hard to image one without him in it. He's been doing okay the past ten years, but he's had hope to cling to. Hope that he could find a way to save his oldest friend, but tonight, he feels that slipping. All he wants to do now is comfort Noctis. He's terrified of leaving things between them this way, but when Noctis speaks up---
--- "It's yours." He leans his cheek into Noctis' hand, closing his eyes for a moment.
He doesn't have to ask what he means by that. I'm yours.
He says nothing for a minute, letting that wash over him. Just for one night, they can be together, lean on each other and block out the world around them. Just one night. Okay, that's enough. It's more than enough.
No hesitation as he pulls Noctis into a hug first and foremost. As his arms go around Noctis, he's giving himself a chance to just breathe. Though, he can't deny his heart beat picking up, or the small smile on his face. He's happy, only for a night.
He wants to explore Noctis a bit, but as his hand rubs idly at Noctis' back, he realizes that his gloves are in the way. He stops a moment, tugging them off behind Noctis' back and throws them lazily aside. He'll worry about those later. Free of the gloves, his lets his one of his hands roll up Noctis' back, pausing at his neck, then slowly making his way to his cheek. He can feel Noct's beard this time.
He leans his head forward a bit, judging the distance blindly and lets their foreheads rest against each other. He doesn't go in for the kiss, wanting to take his time here. ]
I love you [ he repeats that from earlier. ] and I don't regret anything. [ he has no regrets about tonight or what's to come from this.
It's bittersweet really, that this is their last night together and it's Noctis' last night on the world. He gives Noctis a moment to respond if he wishes to.
Just like before, he tilts Noctis' chin up and there's a slight hesitation this time, a slight fear of being pushed away, but he pulls Noctis in for a kiss, letting their lips meet again. He's still clumsy about it, being new and he can't see. He shuts his eyes and lets his heart do the talking for him. He's gently pulling Noctis closer to him, as if in a protective embrace as he's kissing him.
This simple act is tearing his heart in two though, a part of him sad about it, but it's overpowered by the love that's floating there. ]
Noctis blinks rapidly at that, fighting back a fresh wave of tears, inhaling a shaky breath, and marveling at those words. After everything Ignis has had to endure, all the effort he's poured into something that's ultimately worthless, into a future that no longer exists... years of serving and supporting someone who won't live past tomorrow... even with all of that. No regrets. Like Noctis himself, he's glad for the life they've led together. It wasn't perfect, but it was good. It was wonderful in so, so many ways, too many to count and point out one by one. Through it all, just as Ignis had corrected minutes ago, he hadn't ever been truly alone. Much of that was thanks to the man holding him now.
He doesn't say anything, only trembles a little, overwhelmed by his thoughts. What can he say? Any words that might come to mind, Ignis knows already. This man knows his heart. Instead, when Ignis kisses him again, this time he kisses back. It's awkward, a little clumsy- he's never really kissed people before, besides maybe a chaste kiss here or there when he was little and wasn't likely to be judged for it. He has to learn the steps on the fly that so many people learned in their teenage years, those who were more free to share themselves with others, who wouldn't be judged for their choices by the mass media or the country's government, by the king himself. Not that he thinks his father would have objected to this or anything. His mother had been Regis' childhood friend, too.
Maybe it's natural to feel this, for someone who's seen you at your best and at your worst for your entire life and still stayed with you despite it all. Maybe this was always meant to happen.
He tries not to overthink it. He moves with Ignis, following his lead, eyes closed and mind going hazy. It's... nice. It's warm, wrapped up in Iggy's arms, and he holds the man in return, his hands drifting over shoulders and back, feeling the familiar muscles and looking for what's changed since they last made contact even remotely like this, where he's filled out and where he's slimmed down, how hard these past ten years have been for him. He doesn't have very long, but he wants to know Ignis as much as he can in the time left to them. After so many years spent together, he hates the idea of there being so much of Ignis that he doesn't know. He won't have time to learn everything, and that, he does regret a little. But he'll do what he can, and if fate is kind for just a single night, maybe he can avoid screwing anything up before they have to move on. That's all he wants, really: to make Ignis happy, to give him some semblance of peace. It could be that he'll find some of his own in the process. He could admittedly use a little more.]
[ When he feels Noctis returning the kiss, he only deepens it, strengths it. Butterflies hit his stomach and he's overwhelmed by his own feelings.
He can feel Noctis exploring him too, and it occurs to him what Noctis is doing. Ignis is a bit more fit, after spending the past ten years fighting a lot more. Granted, he had to learn to fight blind, but once he found his way, he started doing solo hunts, out on his own. Monsters and daemons had roughened him up a bit, but he's only been able to heal and recover from it. There's no noticeable new scars or bruises thanks to that.
Ignis pulls very, very slightly back, creating space for Noctis to explore around his chest next. It's not enough to break the kiss that they're sharing.
He's exploring Noctis too, running his hands along his back, his shoulders, his neck and everywhere that he has access to. Thanks to the vision, he has a pretty good idea of what Noctis looks like now, but he doesn't want to recall that vision. Instead, he's relying on his hands to tell him what Noctis looks like, to him. Both the hair and the beard are still a bit of a surprise, but he... doesn't mind it actually. It suits the man in his arms now.
He's pretty proud of Noctis, actually. He's grown so much and he's learned from his mistakes. They both had honestly. But he's proud of Noctis just the same. He's proud, honored and thrilled to have been tasked with being someone's friend and brother. The task? Is no longer an issue, he's Noctis' friend cause he cares deeply about the man in his arms now. The man that loves him too.
It occurs to him then just how far his feelings go, being in this moment right now. It doesn't matter how deep his own feelings go, it was always going to hurt, losing Noctis tomorrow. It doesn't matter where his feelings lay on that matter. It will hurt like hell, and he'll need time to heal.
He's in love. It makes those butterflies jump around his stomach a bit, makes a shiver go up his spine.
He breaks apart the kiss then, needing a breather. Welcoming air back into his lungs as he leans his forehead against Noctis' own once more. ]
... Noct? [ a whisper, lovingly, but the question is there. Are you okay? ]
[It occurs to him distantly, as Ignis' hands travel the contours of his body and explore him in turn, how pleasant it is to be touched. He'd grown used to the absence of positive physical contact after Altissia. On the train he'd separated himself from the others, been shoved about by Gladio in response for it, had been reluctant to get too close to anyone lest he hurt them more or cause their deaths as well. The only one who tried to treat him normally was Prompto, and Noct had rewarded him for that by trying to kill him and throwing him off the train, hurting his best friend and losing one more tether of contact. He'd been unable to touch Luna's ghost after receiving Shiva's blessing, and in Gralea he'd been lost and alone for the bulk of it. Then, inside the Crystal, it was like he'd had no body at all, nothing around him to touch or hold besides himself. Not even Bahamut had touched him, instead letting him float in the god like a moon orbiting its massive planet. He'd drifted aimlessly through the empty void of magic, waiting for release.
Now here he is, ten years later, quietly relishing in the sensation of touch, of hands against his body, searching and soothing and warm. Something changes in the kiss and he responds to it, learning more and more as the seconds pass, breaking only for a quick intake air, trying to memorize the feeling of Ignis' lips. He wants to take this memory with him, wherever he goes beyond this place. Wants to remember what it was like to be loved by someone. He wants to give Ignis something worth remembering, too. One day he'll have a proper lover, Noctis hopes, someone he can stay with, who'll make him happy. These memories could be good for him eventually, not sad or bittersweet. Practice makes perfect, after all.
He draws back as Ignis does, not realizing how breathless he's become; he doesn't answer right away, just basking in what's happening here for a moment, the soft pleasure of it making his head thrum and his heart pound.] Yeah, [he manages, in answer to the unspoken question. He tilts his head to offer a better answer with his lips and misses in the dark, mouth catching at Ignis' cheek, and he huffs a bit of tired laughter, his first real laugh since coming back. Seems Ignis isn't the only blind one tonight. The campfire in the distance is doing him no favours.
He's okay. He feels... happy. He didn't think he'd be allowed to feel happy again, since waking up on Angelgard. He thought the quiet, sad tranquility he'd felt in the presence of his dearest friends was the best he could hope for. This is better than he'd ever dared to expect or imagine. He knows this feeling won't last, that the morning will come to greet them and take this bliss away, that a horrible separation looms ahead of them like some grand and terrifying storm. He's afraid of it, helplessly. Resigned to face it, yes, but he's not immune to fear, even if he won't tell anyone how deeply that fear has sunken its claws into him. There's a sick twisting in his gut mixing with relief- knowing he can do something to save those he loves, while knowing he has to be forever parted from them. He wonders if this is how his father felt, watching as his son walked away, knowing they'd never share another conversation. He wonders if his father too feared the death he'd welcomed into his home, the throne built up to claim his life. Noctis had always been afraid to be king; now he wishes he could stay as one, more than anything.
But it's fine. For now, it's fine. As long as Ignis doesn't ask him tomorrow, he won't have to lie. Tonight, he can say that he's okay.]
Iggy... you don't need to keep worrying about me. You're allowed to be selfish too, you know?
[ When was the last time he heard Noctis laugh like that? Far too long, not since before boarding the boat to get to Altissia. Things weren't happy after that boat trip, the group being torn apart, Noct losing Luna and among other things. Before that, he can recall campfire or hotel stays and hearing Noct's laughter as the days stress leaves the crew. Gods, he's missed hearing Noctis laugh. Does he detect a smile there too?
He can't help but let out a chuckle of amusement himself too. ] You missed. [ Tone teasing, but he's making no moves to correct the miss. Like Noctis, he's just enjoying the feel of their bodies, hands exploring and the heat radiating off them both. A hand makes its way to Noctis' chest, feeling his heartbeat there. It's matching Ignis' own heartbeats.
He's been gentle with his touch, never wanting to hurt Noctis. His free hand cups Noctis' cheek, thumb idly rubbing there. This time not to wipe away tears, but to let his own emotions show through touch.
He's honestly happy, he realizes. Whatever negative emotions that he'd been feeling earlier are gone. Melted away. He honestly can't recall the last time he was happy. Sure, he's been full filled with doing hunts or cooking for Cid, but he hasn't been happy. The past ten years have been rough and dark for Ignis. Too much fear, pain and worry about his friends, the state of the world and struggling to find his footing with his blindness. This is by far the happiest that he's ever been.
Out of all people to share such a moment with, it's Noctis. He'd never imaged himself in a situation like this, finding it hard to trust new people cause his disability. It's rather hard and difficult for him to think about things like this, he had resigned himself to a life alone. He knows full well that isn't easy for the other person either, taking care of a blind man. But maybe things might change for Ignis, now that he can stand on his two feet proper.
For now, this moment is too special. Something that he'll carry to his own grave when it's time for him to move on into the afterlife. This moment means a lot to Ignis. He's realizing a lot of things about himself tonight. He knows that this means a lot to Noctis as well.
He moves to kiss Noctis again, but stops when Noctis speaks up.
He'll always worry about Noctis, it's written into him to. He can push that aside tonight and let them be Ignis and Noctis. A small smile plays on his face, signaling that he got the message. No more worrying tonight.
Selfish, he's allowed to be selfish. Ignis wants to give in to his needs and desires. He wants to be selfish for a change, give into what he wants. And what he wants is Noctis, to feel their bodies touching, hands exploring and passionate kisses. He wants that. A lot. He feels the same coming off Noctis. ]
I've really missed you. [ the words are out of him before he even thinks about them. It's soft spoken in a lovingly way. It's true though, he's missed Noctis a lot. He tilts his head a bit, moving to kiss Noctis-- bump. He gives a sound of amusement as their noses bump by accident. It seems that he's not the only one missing the mark here. He readjusts himself a bit, but this time, he hits the mark. As their lips meet, Ignis is quick to strength the kiss, getting it back to where it was before.
For tonight, he can be Noctis' and Noctis is his. ]
[They stay like that for a while, quietly exploring, kissing, indulging in one another's company, until at last they break apart and don't come back together again, merely breathing close, letting the wave of quiet desire settle into a softer, more peaceful affection. Noctis shifts and tugs Ignis into a close hug instead, chin to his shoulder, fingers sifting through his hair, feeling the new style, remembering the texture of it. He's missed this, too. He will miss this, wherever he goes, if his consciousness will still exist beyond his demise. For a country so fixed upon death and related lore, he knows astonishingly little about the afterlife. A king of Lucis never had to concern himself with that, since their souls had always gone to the ring, anyway. He doesn't know what's to become of him or all of the other souls once the last king dies, doesn't know what'll happen to the ring.
Still. If he has any mind to remember, he wants to remember this. How it felt to be held, how Ignis feels around him.
Eventually he speaks up, his voice faint, almost muffled but close enough to Ignis' ear that he should hear it.]
Iggy... don't hate me for this, but I need you to do me a favour. A promise.
[He closes his eyes, not offering it yet, but waiting for the agreement first. Ignis will do anything for him. He's taking advantage of this knowledge, and this is the part he's hoping Ignis will not resent him for.]
[ As the waves of desire settle down between the two, he lets himself be pulled into that hug. His arms go around Noctis, his chin resting comfortably on Noct's shoulder. He lets himself breathe, quietly reflecting on everything.
He'd do anything for Noctis, he knows that much. But he feels his stomach dropping and a sense of worry coming over him. He takes a deep breath and nods his head. ]
Anything. [ he whispers. ] I promise. [ no matter how much it's going to hurt. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
For Noctis;
Ignis knows what's to come and he doesn't like it one bit. His heart hurts and swells at the same time. Ignis is generally touched by those simple words. Yes, there had been days where it was frustrating taking care of the prince, no King, that's standing before him, but he wouldn't change a thing.
He can't help but let the tears roll down his cheeks, a small smile on his face. It's sad.
So much has changed in the past ten years. Ignis had found his footing in battles and cooking again. He waited for the day for Noctis to come out of the crystal, but while he knew he'll get to say hello, but he had to also say good-bye. He doesn't want to say good-bye to his dearest friend.
Sometimes he curses that vision he had gotten. There were times where he didn't want to know this. Noctis' fate. It's been ten years since then and he still hasn't accepted it. He tried to find a way to save both Noctis and the world, but he'd failed. Now that the final night is here, he can't help but feel like a failure in that regard. His sworn duty was -is- to protect Noctis and he took that role seriously. Perhaps a bit too seriously. He's a failure.
He exhales a breath as if to calm himself, but it doesn't work. Another tear runs down his face.
He cares very, very deeply for Noctis. His whole life has been wrapped up in Noctis that it's just hard for him to accept a life without him. He can't do it. As both of Noctis' hands clutch his own, he's taken back to the first day they met. Ignis was only six years old, Noctis a fair bit younger. Ignis squeezes one of Noctis' hands in his own. ]
... Noct. [ voice almost a whisper, cracking at the edges. His own voice betraying the way how he feels right in this moment. He can't think of anything else to say. Noctis doesn't know that he knows what's to happen to his friend. No, brother. Six, he can't do this. He needs Noctis' strength if he's going to be able to move on.
Gladio and Prompto had protested when Ignis had gotten up, but he ignored them. They didn't put up too much of a fight when Ignis made his way to where Noctis was standing.
Ten years without Noctis at his side, he buried himself in hunts, cooked for Cid and did other things to try to make time fly faster when he wasn't looking into saving Noctis.
"Looking." He still can't see, it's a price that he had paid in Altissia all of those years ago. Noctis still doesn't know about that one either. So much that he's keeping from Noctis....
Another sharp breath escapes him. He knows Noctis is ten years older now, but he can't help but see him as the twenty year old from years ago. He wishes he could see his brother one last time. But this will have to do.
Ignis stands before Noctis, trying to put on a brave face, but failing. Tone of voice and tears giving him away. ]
time 2 sad
Quietly, he's glad that Ignis can't see him like this. He'd only seen himself in the mirror at Hammerhead briefly, when he'd been given one last chance to clean up and make himself presentable before he marched himself towards the end. Poke at the beard he doesn't remember growing, brush the hair that falls past his shoulders in strange waves, study the tired lines of aging beyond his years the way his father did as the ring sapped his strength. He envies the others a little, for getting the chance to grow slowly and witness their changes over time, even if it all occurred in a horrible hellscape of a world. His father used to joke that he grew up too quickly, in a voice fond and sad in ways that Noctis didn't understand. Staring into the mirror and seeing a stranger stare back at him with only ghosts of familiar features... it's ironic in retrospect, with a painful little twinge in his heart. Ten years had come and gone in a fraction of time for him, too fast, with little time to reflect on everything he's missed: a full third of the lives of his dearest friends, probably half-forgotten by the people he was meant to protect, a king in name only. Stretched to fit into a body he no longer knows, a face he barely recognizes. The whole thing felt like overnight while at the same time an eternity, but here he is at the end of it all.
Ignis didn't get to see himself grow, either. But it means that in their hearts they can still be as they were- young, and wild, and stupid in ways that no one else understood. And it's only the end for him- he's here to make sure that everyone else has a future.
He doesn't acknowledge the tears, but he doesn't let go of Ignis' hand right away, either. Letting go means that this moment is over, and he's not sure if he's ready for that yet. His feelings on what's to come are... complicated, understandably. He's made his peace, but that only means he'll follow through with his duty, as he always has despite complaints or the grief that made him falter at times, despite how it has never once brought him joy. He'd also said he had no regrets; that's true, but only because he'd been forced to let them go, lest they overwhelm him and make him falter. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to think about everything he's about to lose. The brothers who gather around him here and now, Ignis at his side, Gladio and Prompto at camp giving them some space. His life, any chance he might have at being a proper king. Any adventures they might have together, exploring the world, helping people, discovering incredible new places none of them could have ever imagined. The love he carries for this world and everything in it.
He'll let the last of those regrets go, before it's over. But... right now... he doesn't want to move forward. Just a little longer. They've waited ten years- just a little longer-]
Ignis... sit with me for a while?
*signs up for fields trip*
O-of course. [ His tone is still betraying his emotions, always a deep sadness hidden there. ] Away from the others.
[ Ignis has gotten good at walking around, a skilled hunter to where he doesn't need a cane anymore. He's long since trashed it. Still, he'll let Noctis lead the way. Always following and loyal to a fault. ]
*feels trip
He murmurs to Ignis where the edge is and sits down carefully with him, only loosening his grip once they're settled. He shuffles forward just enough to let his legs dangle, as he was so often fond of doing on roofs and balconies, half because he liked it and half to make Ignis sigh about perceived dangers. Though it would be ironic to endure everything for so long only to die from falling off a cliff right at the finish line. Thank the gods for the power to warp.]
I missed so much... what about you? Got one more lecture for me? Anything you'll regret, if you don't take care of it tonight?
[A kinder way to say any last words, he hopes. It's not as if they'll get another chance to talk privately after this.]
no subject
He hears the murmur and moves to sit next to Noctis, though he doesn't dangle his own legs over the edge. He pulls a leg up to his chest and lets his eblow rest on his knee with his free arm. He can feel Noctis' grip loosen in his own hand, but he re tightens it. Afraid to let go, what if Noctis....
No. He will not think such things right now.
His heart is split in two, he knows that. While he had been happy to hear Noctis is back, on the other hand he's flat out depressed by it. And no wonder, he's kept a lot to himself over these past ten long years. He can feel his resolve to stay strong for Noctis breaking. He holds firm though, he knows that once he starts talking... it's a done deal. He won't be able to hold back.
Lecture? He wants to laugh, but he doesn't. Had he been his usual self, he would've made some smart comment back. Instead, he thinks quietly, wondering how much he should tell.
The truth? All of it.
He exhales a breath. ] I... know what's to become of you. [ he says softly, letting his chin drop to his chest. That's all he can say for right now, hopefully it's enough to explain his mood. ]
no subject
Well, yeah. I just told you guys everything.
[Seated around the campfire together, their last night, he'd had to share his fate with them all. He had been tempted for a while to keep it to himself, wait until they reached the Citadel and defeated Ardyn, so there'd be no turning back or trying to stop him. In the end, though, he couldn't do that to them. He needed them to know, so they could let him choose, so they could come to terms with it and not give him cause to falter on those steps to the throne. He had to trust them.
A part of him had expected more objections, had braced himself for an argument. They must have already known that there would be a high price to pay, as there always was with gods and Crystals. To lose his life in one go, after just getting him back, though... he figured it would be a hard pill to swallow. And it was, of course it was. They cherished him, missed him. They'd hated it. But there'd been little fighting over the matter in the end, just grief and resignation. Ten years in the dark was a long, long time. Maybe the real reason Bahamut made him wait all those years was so that no one would try to stop him.
He's mostly surprised to hear Ignis bringing it up again. He'd assumed that once the decision was made, there'd be no more talking about it, so they could all pretend it was a normal old adventure, just the four of them, rather than pallbearers carrying the king to his grave.]
no subject
... I've known since Altissia. [ he clarifies. ] I'm sorry, Noct, but I've known for ten years.
I've tried looking into ways to save you, but... [ he failed. ]
... and when I asked you to stop the journey in Altissia, that was a move on my part hoping that I could save you.
[ Ten years of inner conflict, struggling to try to come to terms with what he knows. He didn't tell Gladio or Prompto so tonight was the first that they heard of it, it was no surprise to Ignis. Even after hearing it from Noctis tonight, he still can't accept it. ]
I ran into Lady Lunafreya's dog on the altar in Altissia and I was given a vision of what was to come there. I didn't want to believe in what I saw. I couldn't. [ he lifts his head up as if to look at the night sky, but not really looking at it. He'd never forget that day in Altissia.
Ten years of grief boiling up to the surface now, but he holds it back. ]
no subject
Noct's posture is stiff at his side, his hand going tense in Ignis'. Since Altissia... that's so long ago, for him to have known. Months for Noct, years for Ignis, and all along he'd carried that weight. He'd tried to come up with alternatives, but Noctis isn't surprised to hear there were none; thousands of years, and the ancient wisdom of the Astrals wasn't enough to come up with other ideas. His fate was sealed, and... Ignis knew, and never told him.
Ages ago, he might have been angry at the secret kept. He might've yelled or snapped, demanded answers, more details. To hear his excuses as to why it had been hidden from him, to leave him unprepared for his own death until it was too late.
Now, though... now, he can stop, and think, and breathe, and he can guess at why. There's plenty of reasons. To keep him safe, to protect him from more pain before it was forced upon him, to let him recover from all the grief that was already threatening to overwhelm him. To hear about his own death right after learning of Luna's could have broken him. He wouldn't blame Ignis for trying to protect himself, either. Bahamut's revelation had been cold and heartless, leaving no room for protests or demands to be spared. To have heard that from Ignis instead would have hurt both of them.
The silence lingers between them for a while as he lets those words sink in, until finally, shakily, he exhales a breath and murmurs,]
That's why... you said we should stop.
["We've already lost so much." With more to lose, so much more. And Ignis alone had known it.]
no subject
Yes. [ a small shake of his voice ] I didn't want you to die, Noct and I still don't.
... but I will stand with you until the very end.
[ Ignis is quiet before he gets out: ] I'm... not ready to say good-bye. [ Is it cold out? He can't tell since he's starting to tremble a bit. Six, not now. He takes a steady breath.
No amount of preparation could prepare him for this moment. He's had ten years after all, but it's still rather difficult for him to let Noctis go. He knows how selfish he's being, but he doesn't want to let him go. ]
no subject
That won't make him tell Ignis to just get over it, though. If their roles were reversed, he'd be falling apart inside and out, desperate for another way, and if not, then to hold on to every second they have left together.]
I know... I'm sorry. I've got the easy part...
[He just has to die. It's terrible, painful. He doesn't want it. But he's not the one who has to live with the consequences afterwards.]
no subject
He wants to laugh out of bitterness, but he doesn't. He exhales another breath before he goes to respond, opening his mouth to speak, but it comes out as a chocked sob. He's stunned, he can feel the lump in his throat.
Ignis is shaking. Oh god, he's breaking. The dams burst open and there's nothing he can do to stop it.
He's always the level-headed one in the group, always being the strong one. But he can't be right now. He shakes their joined hands free and shifts his body a bit, opening his arm up to invite Noctis into a hug. The plea is there, quietly begging for that hug as he struggles to hold on.
Another sob wracks his body.
Ten years of grief, guilt and the weight on his shoulders want to come out. He's never talked about this with anyone else before. Not until now, not until he wanted to with the one person who matters the most to him.
I'm sorry, he wants to say, but he can't speak. Tears are streaming down his face as he surrenders to his emotions at last.
Please....
I need you. ]
no subject
It's okay, [he whispers, even though it isn't.] It'll be okay.
[He won't say it'll be easy. They both know that's not so. He won't say that Ignis will move on and find joy in the life he lives beyond tomorrow; neither can know for sure. But he needs to believe in that. He needs, desperately, to believe that his friends will be happy without him, will find purpose and meaning in their existence, live their lives day by day enjoying the sun they earned the right to stand in once more. Gladio will marry that girl he was talking about at Hammerhead, Prompto will become a brilliant photographer and get stupidly rich, and Ignis... he doesn't know what Ignis will do. He's never known Ignis to have any dreams or ambitions that ventured beyond his future tethered to Noct's side as his advisor, chamberlain, eternal friend. He doesn't know what he'll do when that future is dead and buried.
But he can find it. He'll have the freedom to try. That's what Noct is fighting for, it's what he's dying for. His friends having a future is always going to outweigh the fear of what awaits him. He'll give them the sun, and if they at least remember him, that'll be enough.
He closes his eyes, tilting his head against his friend's, and just holds him as he cries, as long as Ignis needs it. He doesn't have to say goodbye, not right now.]
no subject
The hand in his hair is a trick that he knows too well, he's used it on Noctis before when they were kids. It helps a tiny amount, but not by much.
No, he thinks. Things won't be okay.
The world will go back to normal. The never ending night will break away along with the daemons, bringing out the first hint of light for the first time in years. People will have to rebuild and restart their lives.
But at a cost that Ignis isn't willing to pay so easily. This is his friend, his brother and his best friend marching to his death. One life to save the world is just far too much.
As the sobs continue to wrack his body, he's taken back to Altissia, recalling Ravus' own grief, recalling his own grief. But he'd never forget Ravus' agony upon losing his sister. Ravus had been forced to move on despite losing someone that he loves. Ignis didn't think that he'd be in this position.
He's never cried as hard as he is in this moment and it's not loosing up anytime soon. ]
--------
[ It takes a while, but the sobs have long since quieted. Tears are still rolling down his cheeks, the shaking has lessened up a bit. ]
Noct. [ voice strained by all of the crying he's done. ] Thank you.
[ he takes a deep breath as he lifts his head up from Noctis' shoulder, moving to press his cheek against Noctis'. ] I don't think I could forget you, even if I tried to. Not that I want to. I'll never forget you, Noct and that's a promise.
[ he moves one of his hands to Noctis' own hair, surprised at the length of it. He does the same as Noctis just did for him. ]
You're my best friend, my brother and the first friend that I ever had.
[ He knows that he's pouring his heart out and it isn't like him to, but he knows that he won't get a chance like this again. No holding back his feelings. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down a bit more, he's not 100% better, but this is a start.
He feels like some of the weight has been lifted off his chest. He squeezes Noctis a bit tighter as the next words come out. ]
I love you, Noct.
no subject
You asshole... [There's no anger or mockery in his tone, just a quiet sadness he can't quell.] You're not allowed to give me more reasons to stay.
[He can't. He can't, the world is already dying and barely existing on the edge. If they don't act soon, humans will die out, the planet won't be able to recover even after the sun's back. Ardyn won't wait peacefully forever either, once the rumours of his return spread around.
But gods he wants to stay with his family, with the people who love him. They deserve to hear it too, though, even if nothing's allowed to come of it. Ignis more than anyone else, who's stood by him through everything, supported him despite knowing he was going to die and that everything they've worked for their whole lives was for nothing, when that alongside his blindness would have been the perfect excuse to just... go home. Find a life for himself, one not risked by aiding and escorting the walking dead. Instead, he'd stayed. They're only this far because Ignis stayed.
He clenches his eyes shut tightly, shifting to rest his forehead against Ignis', their shaken breaths mingling in the air between them, proof that they're both still alive. This is... heavy. But it's a good weight, and one he'll happily bear, in stark contrast with everything else on his shoulders.]
I love you, too. [Years ago, those small, simple words had been so hard. Why? It meant so much to hear it, and yet he'd held back despite how he felt. What a coward he's been.] Whenever I needed someone, you were there. I can't ever repay you for it all, but... I'm glad it was you, Iggy.
no subject
As their foreheads touch, he's perfectly aware of how close they are. He's touched by Noctis' words, he needed to hear that, on both counts.
It's funny, he thinks. He had originally followed Noctis to offer up his comfort, but did the tables turn rather quickly on him. He didn't realize how badly he needed the comfort himself. He knows that Noctis needs it too, hell, he'll be worried if Noctis wasn't afraid of what's to come.
He removes his glasses off his face, careful not to break the contact that they're sharing. He gently places them down on the ground by them. He wants to give Noctis a chance to look into his eyes.
He's relying heavily on his sense of touch to see. The hand that had been in Noctis' hair moves slowly towards his cheek, thumb idly brushing away the tears there. He doesn't like it when Noctis is upset, though he doesn't fault him at all in this case.
A couple of minutes pass by them.
He throws out logic and reason, throwing out the formalities. Though, the logic in him wants to speak up, but he shuts it down. Had this been any other night or situation, he'd listen to that voice. Instead, he's listening to his heart tonight. ]
You're worth everything. [ voice a whisper. The pain. The stress. The love and care. Everything that's he's been through and that they've been through, it's been worth it to Ignis. He wouldn't change a thing.
He tilts Noctis' chin up a bit. There's no hesitation as he shuts the distance, lips meeting Noctis', though clumsy. He shuts his eyes as he wraps his free arm back around Noctis. He's not sure how Noct is going to respond to this, but he puts everything that he's been feeling into this simple act.
He's never thought of things like this before. Romance, love. That's been the furthest thing from his mind. Until now, he supposes. He's never had a reason to share such an inmate moment with someone. He's not sure what's come over him all of a sudden to get him to kiss Noctis like this, but he's not thinking too hard about it. It's Noct.
Fresh tears streak down his face, a mix of emotions. Happy. Sad. Love. Even anger at the Gods. The most important thing he feels is the care and love that he has for Noctis. His stomach is doing flops, his head spinning. Still, he doesn't let go and he won't unless Noctis wants him to. ]
no subject
He says nothing, letting Ignis explore his face, re-learn the contours and details, things that Noctis himself is still just as unfamiliar with. He blinks rapidly as the tears are noticed, fighting back against more. He thinks he's at least able to hold himself together well enough for a while, quiet and dignified as anyone might expect from their king.
And then Ignis says that, and kisses him, and Noctis feels himself fall apart a little, fraying at the weak seams holding together his calm.
"Worth everything." He's not, he shouldn't be. Ignis deserves better than this, better than the mess he became, better than his bad attitude and awkward personality. Someone regal and powerful, like his dad or the Founder King. He's just... Noct. Good at nothing a leader should be good at, only has to be good at fighting and dying. He couldn't even save Luna, and he doesn't want to fail to safe Ignis, either. (Again.) Even with all of that... Ignis is kissing him, holding him.
A soft noise escapes his lips, startled, faintly objecting, but he doesn't move away, merely lets himself be held, closing his eyes and clumsily tilts his head as he accepts the kiss for what it is and everything it represents: Ignis' feelings, whatever he wants to convey that words can't explain. How long as he wanted this? Has he been quietly suffering from this, too? He hopes it hasn't been long. Ignis is the one worth everything. He's worth the world, and he deserves it. He deserves to be happy. If this makes him happy, then-
-but it won't last. A single moment can't be enough, all they have is tonight, and then-
With a muffled curse he breaks away, his breath catching. No.] Iggy- Iggy, we can't- [they can, though. they just did.] You shouldn't- [that's not up to him.] why would you want this? [there it is.] I can't give you anything, I can't...
[Subconsciously he tilts his head forward, his lips ghosting across Ignis' a second time, but he forces himself back again. No.]
...There's no future for this. You deserve more than that.
no subject
I bloody well know that. [ there's no malice or anger to his tone, just flat out sadness and grief there. He's not looking into starting anything here, he knows that nothing can come out of it. He's too smart for that. ]
N-noct. [ the lump is forming in the back of throat, making it difficult to speak. He takes a shaky breath, wondering where to start. Six, he wishes he has more time to figure out his feelings, but he doesn't have that luxury. Time is against them.
He still has his arm around Noctis, he hasn't pulled away completely. His free hand fishes for Noctis' and he holds it firm in his own. Still afraid to let go. ]
For ten years, [ he begins slowly ] I've been struggling to come to terms with this, of what's to come. It's been a long road, but [ he voice cracks as he admits it out loud, the terms that he's accepted what's to come. If he's honest with himself, he hasn't fully accepted it. ] I don't want you to die.
[ Fresh tears roll down his cheeks, as if saying it out loud breaks him. No, he's already broken down once tonight, he'll have more time for that later. ]
All I want, is a moment with you. [ Six, help him. He can't do this. He needs to, if he wants the closer that he desires. ]
All I want--- [ he shakes his head a little, no that's not right. ] No, need a way to say goodbye... [ without actually saying it. ]
no subject
What about him, though? If this is his last free night alive, he should be allowed to do what he wants, as long as it doesn't jeopardize what comes tomorrow. So no commitments to survive, no promises, no hope. That still leaves a few options. If they both understand then... does it hurt, really? To let this happen? To accept this offered gift? It's just kissing. Kissing can't change fate. It can't stop the gods from claiming his life.
He knows he loves Ignis. Is he in love with him? That, he doesn't know. There's been no time to consider, since Insomnia. There's no great romance here. It's like when Luna died, stolen away before anything could come of their promised life together. He didn't know everything that she wanted, didn't understand what his true role would be beyond an assigned husband, but he'd felt warmth, at the thought of being with her. Of sharing himself, discovering what they were meant to be. He feels this for Ignis, now- a curiosity at the potential he'd never let himself consider, a warm craving for affection and comfort in the dark. A longing to make someone he loves happy, with whatever ability to do so is within his power.
He... doesn't have to know, ultimately. If he's in love. The answer won't change anything, can only hurt them. All he has to do is let himself feel, and follow where those feelings guide him.]
...Okay, [is his whispered response, finally. His free hand shifts to brush over Ignis' cheek, wiping a tear, watching his expression carefully.] If this is what you want, then... it's yours.
[I'm yours. For one night only, he can belong to his oldest and dearest friend, he can be loved. In the morning, the world and the gods can have him back. Tonight is theirs.]
no subject
Of course, he loves Noctis. Though he suspects that he's in love with him, he can't be sure. If he's in love with Noctis, he won't be able to pinpoint as to when that happened. He was just going with his feelings when he kissed Noctis, not giving them any thought. It felt right to in the moment and that's something he's never felt before. To act on his feelings, to listen to his heart is a new ball game to him.
He gives Noctis' hand a squeeze as he waits a bit more. It's their last night together. They've known each other since they were children, going way back to ripe age of six for Ignis. Noctis has been such a constant person in his life, it's hard to image one without him in it. He's been doing okay the past ten years, but he's had hope to cling to. Hope that he could find a way to save his oldest friend, but tonight, he feels that slipping. All he wants to do now is comfort Noctis. He's terrified of leaving things between them this way, but when Noctis speaks up---
--- "It's yours." He leans his cheek into Noctis' hand, closing his eyes for a moment.
He doesn't have to ask what he means by that. I'm yours.
He says nothing for a minute, letting that wash over him. Just for one night, they can be together, lean on each other and block out the world around them. Just one night. Okay, that's enough. It's more than enough.
No hesitation as he pulls Noctis into a hug first and foremost. As his arms go around Noctis, he's giving himself a chance to just breathe. Though, he can't deny his heart beat picking up, or the small smile on his face. He's happy, only for a night.
He wants to explore Noctis a bit, but as his hand rubs idly at Noctis' back, he realizes that his gloves are in the way. He stops a moment, tugging them off behind Noctis' back and throws them lazily aside. He'll worry about those later. Free of the gloves, his lets his one of his hands roll up Noctis' back, pausing at his neck, then slowly making his way to his cheek. He can feel Noct's beard this time.
He leans his head forward a bit, judging the distance blindly and lets their foreheads rest against each other. He doesn't go in for the kiss, wanting to take his time here. ]
I love you [ he repeats that from earlier. ] and I don't regret anything. [ he has no regrets about tonight or what's to come from this.
It's bittersweet really, that this is their last night together and it's Noctis' last night on the world. He gives Noctis a moment to respond if he wishes to.
Just like before, he tilts Noctis' chin up and there's a slight hesitation this time, a slight fear of being pushed away, but he pulls Noctis in for a kiss, letting their lips meet again. He's still clumsy about it, being new and he can't see. He shuts his eyes and lets his heart do the talking for him. He's gently pulling Noctis closer to him, as if in a protective embrace as he's kissing him.
This simple act is tearing his heart in two though, a part of him sad about it, but it's overpowered by the love that's floating there. ]
no subject
Noctis blinks rapidly at that, fighting back a fresh wave of tears, inhaling a shaky breath, and marveling at those words. After everything Ignis has had to endure, all the effort he's poured into something that's ultimately worthless, into a future that no longer exists... years of serving and supporting someone who won't live past tomorrow... even with all of that. No regrets. Like Noctis himself, he's glad for the life they've led together. It wasn't perfect, but it was good. It was wonderful in so, so many ways, too many to count and point out one by one. Through it all, just as Ignis had corrected minutes ago, he hadn't ever been truly alone. Much of that was thanks to the man holding him now.
He doesn't say anything, only trembles a little, overwhelmed by his thoughts. What can he say? Any words that might come to mind, Ignis knows already. This man knows his heart. Instead, when Ignis kisses him again, this time he kisses back. It's awkward, a little clumsy- he's never really kissed people before, besides maybe a chaste kiss here or there when he was little and wasn't likely to be judged for it. He has to learn the steps on the fly that so many people learned in their teenage years, those who were more free to share themselves with others, who wouldn't be judged for their choices by the mass media or the country's government, by the king himself. Not that he thinks his father would have objected to this or anything. His mother had been Regis' childhood friend, too.
Maybe it's natural to feel this, for someone who's seen you at your best and at your worst for your entire life and still stayed with you despite it all. Maybe this was always meant to happen.
He tries not to overthink it. He moves with Ignis, following his lead, eyes closed and mind going hazy. It's... nice. It's warm, wrapped up in Iggy's arms, and he holds the man in return, his hands drifting over shoulders and back, feeling the familiar muscles and looking for what's changed since they last made contact even remotely like this, where he's filled out and where he's slimmed down, how hard these past ten years have been for him. He doesn't have very long, but he wants to know Ignis as much as he can in the time left to them. After so many years spent together, he hates the idea of there being so much of Ignis that he doesn't know. He won't have time to learn everything, and that, he does regret a little. But he'll do what he can, and if fate is kind for just a single night, maybe he can avoid screwing anything up before they have to move on. That's all he wants, really: to make Ignis happy, to give him some semblance of peace. It could be that he'll find some of his own in the process. He could admittedly use a little more.]
no subject
He can feel Noctis exploring him too, and it occurs to him what Noctis is doing. Ignis is a bit more fit, after spending the past ten years fighting a lot more. Granted, he had to learn to fight blind, but once he found his way, he started doing solo hunts, out on his own. Monsters and daemons had roughened him up a bit, but he's only been able to heal and recover from it. There's no noticeable new scars or bruises thanks to that.
Ignis pulls very, very slightly back, creating space for Noctis to explore around his chest next. It's not enough to break the kiss that they're sharing.
He's exploring Noctis too, running his hands along his back, his shoulders, his neck and everywhere that he has access to. Thanks to the vision, he has a pretty good idea of what Noctis looks like now, but he doesn't want to recall that vision. Instead, he's relying on his hands to tell him what Noctis looks like, to him. Both the hair and the beard are still a bit of a surprise, but he... doesn't mind it actually. It suits the man in his arms now.
He's pretty proud of Noctis, actually. He's grown so much and he's learned from his mistakes. They both had honestly. But he's proud of Noctis just the same. He's proud, honored and thrilled to have been tasked with being someone's friend and brother. The task? Is no longer an issue, he's Noctis' friend cause he cares deeply about the man in his arms now. The man that loves him too.
It occurs to him then just how far his feelings go, being in this moment right now. It doesn't matter how deep his own feelings go, it was always going to hurt, losing Noctis tomorrow. It doesn't matter where his feelings lay on that matter. It will hurt like hell, and he'll need time to heal.
He's in love. It makes those butterflies jump around his stomach a bit, makes a shiver go up his spine.
He breaks apart the kiss then, needing a breather. Welcoming air back into his lungs as he leans his forehead against Noctis' own once more. ]
... Noct? [ a whisper, lovingly, but the question is there. Are you okay? ]
no subject
Now here he is, ten years later, quietly relishing in the sensation of touch, of hands against his body, searching and soothing and warm. Something changes in the kiss and he responds to it, learning more and more as the seconds pass, breaking only for a quick intake air, trying to memorize the feeling of Ignis' lips. He wants to take this memory with him, wherever he goes beyond this place. Wants to remember what it was like to be loved by someone. He wants to give Ignis something worth remembering, too. One day he'll have a proper lover, Noctis hopes, someone he can stay with, who'll make him happy. These memories could be good for him eventually, not sad or bittersweet. Practice makes perfect, after all.
He draws back as Ignis does, not realizing how breathless he's become; he doesn't answer right away, just basking in what's happening here for a moment, the soft pleasure of it making his head thrum and his heart pound.] Yeah, [he manages, in answer to the unspoken question. He tilts his head to offer a better answer with his lips and misses in the dark, mouth catching at Ignis' cheek, and he huffs a bit of tired laughter, his first real laugh since coming back. Seems Ignis isn't the only blind one tonight. The campfire in the distance is doing him no favours.
He's okay. He feels... happy. He didn't think he'd be allowed to feel happy again, since waking up on Angelgard. He thought the quiet, sad tranquility he'd felt in the presence of his dearest friends was the best he could hope for. This is better than he'd ever dared to expect or imagine. He knows this feeling won't last, that the morning will come to greet them and take this bliss away, that a horrible separation looms ahead of them like some grand and terrifying storm. He's afraid of it, helplessly. Resigned to face it, yes, but he's not immune to fear, even if he won't tell anyone how deeply that fear has sunken its claws into him. There's a sick twisting in his gut mixing with relief- knowing he can do something to save those he loves, while knowing he has to be forever parted from them. He wonders if this is how his father felt, watching as his son walked away, knowing they'd never share another conversation. He wonders if his father too feared the death he'd welcomed into his home, the throne built up to claim his life. Noctis had always been afraid to be king; now he wishes he could stay as one, more than anything.
But it's fine. For now, it's fine. As long as Ignis doesn't ask him tomorrow, he won't have to lie. Tonight, he can say that he's okay.]
Iggy... you don't need to keep worrying about me. You're allowed to be selfish too, you know?
no subject
He can't help but let out a chuckle of amusement himself too. ] You missed. [ Tone teasing, but he's making no moves to correct the miss. Like Noctis, he's just enjoying the feel of their bodies, hands exploring and the heat radiating off them both. A hand makes its way to Noctis' chest, feeling his heartbeat there. It's matching Ignis' own heartbeats.
He's been gentle with his touch, never wanting to hurt Noctis. His free hand cups Noctis' cheek, thumb idly rubbing there. This time not to wipe away tears, but to let his own emotions show through touch.
He's honestly happy, he realizes. Whatever negative emotions that he'd been feeling earlier are gone. Melted away. He honestly can't recall the last time he was happy. Sure, he's been full filled with doing hunts or cooking for Cid, but he hasn't been happy. The past ten years have been rough and dark for Ignis. Too much fear, pain and worry about his friends, the state of the world and struggling to find his footing with his blindness. This is by far the happiest that he's ever been.
Out of all people to share such a moment with, it's Noctis. He'd never imaged himself in a situation like this, finding it hard to trust new people cause his disability. It's rather hard and difficult for him to think about things like this, he had resigned himself to a life alone. He knows full well that isn't easy for the other person either, taking care of a blind man. But maybe things might change for Ignis, now that he can stand on his two feet proper.
For now, this moment is too special. Something that he'll carry to his own grave when it's time for him to move on into the afterlife. This moment means a lot to Ignis. He's realizing a lot of things about himself tonight. He knows that this means a lot to Noctis as well.
He moves to kiss Noctis again, but stops when Noctis speaks up.
He'll always worry about Noctis, it's written into him to. He can push that aside tonight and let them be Ignis and Noctis. A small smile plays on his face, signaling that he got the message. No more worrying tonight.
Selfish, he's allowed to be selfish. Ignis wants to give in to his needs and desires. He wants to be selfish for a change, give into what he wants. And what he wants is Noctis, to feel their bodies touching, hands exploring and passionate kisses. He wants that. A lot. He feels the same coming off Noctis. ]
I've really missed you. [ the words are out of him before he even thinks about them. It's soft spoken in a lovingly way. It's true though, he's missed Noctis a lot. He tilts his head a bit, moving to kiss Noctis-- bump. He gives a sound of amusement as their noses bump by accident. It seems that he's not the only one missing the mark here. He readjusts himself a bit, but this time, he hits the mark. As their lips meet, Ignis is quick to strength the kiss, getting it back to where it was before.
For tonight, he can be Noctis' and Noctis is his. ]
no subject
Still. If he has any mind to remember, he wants to remember this. How it felt to be held, how Ignis feels around him.
Eventually he speaks up, his voice faint, almost muffled but close enough to Ignis' ear that he should hear it.]
Iggy... don't hate me for this, but I need you to do me a favour. A promise.
[He closes his eyes, not offering it yet, but waiting for the agreement first. Ignis will do anything for him. He's taking advantage of this knowledge, and this is the part he's hoping Ignis will not resent him for.]
no subject
He'd do anything for Noctis, he knows that much. But he feels his stomach dropping and a sense of worry coming over him. He takes a deep breath and nods his head. ]
Anything. [ he whispers. ] I promise. [ no matter how much it's going to hurt. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)