[ Ignis is quiet after that, reflecting on the past what, twelve hours? So much has happened in that short amount of time for him. Them. ]
... When I first heard your voice in Hammerhead, my heart was split in two. [ he begins slowly, looking to the night sky at first. ] I was happy to hear you, but I wasn't ready for what's to come.
Being here with you has brought me peace and comfort. [ He looks at Noctis now, a small sad smile forming on his face. ] I'm not fully ready, but I'm ready as I can be.
[ It'll hurt, Noctis' death. He knows that no amount of prep can ever prepare for him it. ]
... I'm in love with you, Noctis. [ he knows that nothing can come out of it, but he doesn't want to live with regrets at all. He's happy and free for the first time in his life, he thinks. ]
Noctis doesn't answer for a bit. He'd been hoping, really, really hoping, that this romantic love that Ignis was exploring with him could be something fleeting, a soft extra bit of memories for him to carry into the dawn, maybe to give him the comfort and experience he'd need to move on. Ignis loving him is wonderful, a voiced truth he's always known. It's very different from Ignis being in love with him. It was the difference between Gladio's long line of girlfriends and his father subtly still grieving and unmarried 20 years after his wife died following Noct's birth. It... makes him worry. That isn't the life he wants for Ignis, so he hopes that it won't be as all-consuming as that. Even if he never finds love again, let his life at least be fulfilling without it.
He doesn't know what to say, but he needs to say something, so after the silence reigns for almost too long he inhales a shaken breath and presses himself closer against Ignis' side, arms sliding around him to hold him tightly, murmuring into his shoulder,]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Iggy... I'm so sorry...
[Gods, but he wishes he could stay. He wants to stay, and be loved, and love in return. The world's too cruel for this.]
[ How long has he had these feelings harboring for Noctis? He doesn't know, it only hit him like a truck last night. Perhaps he's always had them, but they've been shoved down, locked away in a key. Not with his royal duties and Noctis' wedding on the horizon. He never did give himself room to think of romantic feelings for himself either. This is the first. He's not sad about it, he's happy that it's with someone that he trusts and cares for.
It shouldn't surprise him really, he and Noctis go way back. They've been through so much together in their lives. He supposes it's only natural for him to feel this way, everything that he's done in the past has been for Noctis. He'd only wanted to see his friend happy.
A pair of arms go around him and he starts a bit out of his thoughts. He wraps his own arms back around Noctis, pulling him into a tight embrace. ]
You have nothing to be sorry for. [ he whispers softly ] You've taught me something here - it's better to be loved than not at all. I'd rather have my heart shattered into pieces than feel nothing.
[ he rests his chin on top of Noctis' head, letting a single tear fall ] It'll take time, but I'll be okay.
It's alright, Noct. [ he doesn't know who he's talking to here, himself or Noctis. ]
[It sure didn't feel alright. It felt wretched, like everything was crumbling all around him the same way Insomnia had fallen around the Citadel. All his dreams of the future and what his life might be like someday, when he was small enough to hope for a good life, every one of them long gone. He'd clung to the replacement dream of a world back in the sun, with a whole population of survivors ready to live the rest of their lives in exchange for his, but now Ignis is making him think about what it might be like if he were allowed to exist in that world, too. If he lived to see the dawn, if he could wake up and find his friends there with him, smiling again like everything hadn't broken apart while he was gone, relieved to be together and safe in a world that was normal. If he could return to the life he'd lived before the fall, with Ignis at his side and Gladio at his back and Prompto ahead dragging him off somewhere fun and away from his responsibilities. Maybe he'd figure out what the hell it meant to be in love with someone.
He can't. He can't, though. It's not okay.]
I love you... never forget that I love you. [It's not okay, but...] I believe you- that you'll get there, someday. So just remember this.
[ Ignis just... squeezes Noctis harder than even before. Needing him in his arms. ]
I won't forget, I promise. [ he takes a steady breath ] I won't forget you either. I promised you that I wouldn't forget you and I intend to keep it. [ How can he when he's in love with the man in his arms? No, he won't forgot Noctis, ever. ]
I love you, so much.
I don't want you die, I don't want you to go. [ he pulls back a little ] But I can't be selfish in that way. [ not when the world hangs in balance, it's not up to him to decide that. ]
We've seen just a small portion of Eos here and it's beautiful, wonderful and amazing. [ He looks up to the night sky - the stars - for a moment before resting his chin back on top of Noctis' head once more. ] The rest of the world needs to see it too.
.... Bring back the dawn and the stars... [ a chocked sob escapes him as he says that, god, it hurts him to say it. But there's nothing else he can do for Noctis right now.
Noctis asked him what it took to be brave, maybe that's why he was brought here too. So he can be brave on letting Noctis go and do the right thing. ]
...Yeah... I will. And then you can see the rest of the world, too.
[He's hoping. Gods, he's hoping, so much. If he can't live to see it, at least let Ignis live and see it. Let him travel, let him live freely, meet new people and share their story, find a new purpose in life, something selfish and fun and indulgent, something fulfilling. No more duties and responsibilities beyond his own life's requirement. It sounds amazing, and he wants Ignis to have it all.
He lifts up, breaking the hug so he can press both hands to Ignis' cheeks, drawing him in for a slow, soft kiss. Nothing passionate or enflamed, but a kiss full of tenderness and longing. It's a kiss to say goodbye, because his heart aches at the idea of saying the words out loud.
For him, this is enough. This is the end. But tomorrow the rest of the world begins, and he wants Ignis to remember him like this. Happy, sad, longing, loving him. Everything Noctis has ever been and was ever meant to be, had life led them on a different path.]
[ Despite the chocked out sob he'd let out, he takes a steady breath and gets himself somewhat under control. Tears roll freely down his cheeks. He doesn't want to cry, gods, he'll have more time for that later.
He hopes that he can see the world too, if he can't, then being in this dream world with Noctis was enough. Just to see and live in a world of color just for a fleeting moment. Noctis said he'll try to help Ignis in that way. He still believes in him.
As the hug gets broken up a bit, curious eyes watch Noctis grab a hold of his cheeks and he lets himself be pulled into that kiss. It's slow and soft, so different from their other shared kisses. Ignis understands, it's their way to say goodbye to each other. He can't bring himself to voice it either.
He lets his sadness and grief show, his love and care, the longing and the tenderness in his heart in this simple kiss. He doesn't want this moment to end, but he knows in his heart that it has to.
After a time, he pulls back, breaking apart the kiss and leans his forehead against Noctis'. ] Lay with me, Noct? And watch the stars?
[Noctis quietly makes an agreeable noise in response, closing his eyes and leaning in against Ignis' forehead, indulging in his presence and their close proximity. He doesn't know how long they have, but... after Altissia, he'd never thought they would be able to do this again. This is quite literally a dream come true.
With a quiet nudge to Ignis' chest, he urges him to lie back, falling with him to rest against the blanket, winding Ignis' arm around him to use as a pillow, their hands twined together, his eyes on the sky above.]
...beautiful...
[A beautiful dream. And... not such a terrible way to go, really.]
[His sleepy voice is already giving him away; he's Noctis Lucis Caelum, he can nap anywhere, anytime. Plus, he has the best pillow in the world right now.
He tries to focus on the stars, memorizing the constellations as best as he can with Ignis at his side, until at last he dozes off- content, safe, happy. He's loved and with his dearest friend. What better place could there ever be?]
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no subject
... When I first heard your voice in Hammerhead, my heart was split in two. [ he begins slowly, looking to the night sky at first. ] I was happy to hear you, but I wasn't ready for what's to come.
Being here with you has brought me peace and comfort. [ He looks at Noctis now, a small sad smile forming on his face. ] I'm not fully ready, but I'm ready as I can be.
[ It'll hurt, Noctis' death. He knows that no amount of prep can ever prepare for him it. ]
... I'm in love with you, Noctis. [ he knows that nothing can come out of it, but he doesn't want to live with regrets at all. He's happy and free for the first time in his life, he thinks. ]
no subject
Noctis doesn't answer for a bit. He'd been hoping, really, really hoping, that this romantic love that Ignis was exploring with him could be something fleeting, a soft extra bit of memories for him to carry into the dawn, maybe to give him the comfort and experience he'd need to move on. Ignis loving him is wonderful, a voiced truth he's always known. It's very different from Ignis being in love with him. It was the difference between Gladio's long line of girlfriends and his father subtly still grieving and unmarried 20 years after his wife died following Noct's birth. It... makes him worry. That isn't the life he wants for Ignis, so he hopes that it won't be as all-consuming as that. Even if he never finds love again, let his life at least be fulfilling without it.
He doesn't know what to say, but he needs to say something, so after the silence reigns for almost too long he inhales a shaken breath and presses himself closer against Ignis' side, arms sliding around him to hold him tightly, murmuring into his shoulder,]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Iggy... I'm so sorry...
[Gods, but he wishes he could stay. He wants to stay, and be loved, and love in return. The world's too cruel for this.]
no subject
It shouldn't surprise him really, he and Noctis go way back. They've been through so much together in their lives. He supposes it's only natural for him to feel this way, everything that he's done in the past has been for Noctis. He'd only wanted to see his friend happy.
A pair of arms go around him and he starts a bit out of his thoughts. He wraps his own arms back around Noctis, pulling him into a tight embrace. ]
You have nothing to be sorry for. [ he whispers softly ] You've taught me something here - it's better to be loved than not at all. I'd rather have my heart shattered into pieces than feel nothing.
[ he rests his chin on top of Noctis' head, letting a single tear fall ] It'll take time, but I'll be okay.
It's alright, Noct. [ he doesn't know who he's talking to here, himself or Noctis. ]
no subject
He can't. He can't, though. It's not okay.]
I love you... never forget that I love you. [It's not okay, but...] I believe you- that you'll get there, someday. So just remember this.
[Remember me.]
no subject
I won't forget, I promise. [ he takes a steady breath ] I won't forget you either. I promised you that I wouldn't forget you and I intend to keep it. [ How can he when he's in love with the man in his arms? No, he won't forgot Noctis, ever. ]
I love you, so much.
I don't want you die, I don't want you to go. [ he pulls back a little ] But I can't be selfish in that way. [ not when the world hangs in balance, it's not up to him to decide that. ]
We've seen just a small portion of Eos here and it's beautiful, wonderful and amazing. [ He looks up to the night sky - the stars - for a moment before resting his chin back on top of Noctis' head once more. ] The rest of the world needs to see it too.
.... Bring back the dawn and the stars... [ a chocked sob escapes him as he says that, god, it hurts him to say it. But there's nothing else he can do for Noctis right now.
Noctis asked him what it took to be brave, maybe that's why he was brought here too. So he can be brave on letting Noctis go and do the right thing. ]
no subject
[He's hoping. Gods, he's hoping, so much. If he can't live to see it, at least let Ignis live and see it. Let him travel, let him live freely, meet new people and share their story, find a new purpose in life, something selfish and fun and indulgent, something fulfilling. No more duties and responsibilities beyond his own life's requirement. It sounds amazing, and he wants Ignis to have it all.
He lifts up, breaking the hug so he can press both hands to Ignis' cheeks, drawing him in for a slow, soft kiss. Nothing passionate or enflamed, but a kiss full of tenderness and longing. It's a kiss to say goodbye, because his heart aches at the idea of saying the words out loud.
For him, this is enough. This is the end. But tomorrow the rest of the world begins, and he wants Ignis to remember him like this. Happy, sad, longing, loving him. Everything Noctis has ever been and was ever meant to be, had life led them on a different path.]
no subject
He hopes that he can see the world too, if he can't, then being in this dream world with Noctis was enough. Just to see and live in a world of color just for a fleeting moment. Noctis said he'll try to help Ignis in that way. He still believes in him.
As the hug gets broken up a bit, curious eyes watch Noctis grab a hold of his cheeks and he lets himself be pulled into that kiss. It's slow and soft, so different from their other shared kisses. Ignis understands, it's their way to say goodbye to each other. He can't bring himself to voice it either.
He lets his sadness and grief show, his love and care, the longing and the tenderness in his heart in this simple kiss. He doesn't want this moment to end, but he knows in his heart that it has to.
After a time, he pulls back, breaking apart the kiss and leans his forehead against Noctis'. ] Lay with me, Noct? And watch the stars?
no subject
With a quiet nudge to Ignis' chest, he urges him to lie back, falling with him to rest against the blanket, winding Ignis' arm around him to use as a pillow, their hands twined together, his eyes on the sky above.]
...beautiful...
[A beautiful dream. And... not such a terrible way to go, really.]
no subject
It's bittersweet really. He has a sneaky feeling that it's almost time for them to wake up in the real world. What a way to go. ]
Indeed. [ he whispers quietly as he watches the stars above them. ]
.... Thank you for everything, Noct. [ Noctis has helped him come to terms with this.
A small smile plays on his face though. ] Don't fall asleep on me now. [ he teases gently, wanting to lighten the mood. ]
no subject
I'm totally gonna. You asked for this.
[They both know he doesn't last long, once he's horizontal. Or sitting up. Or leaning on something...
Honestly, considering they're already asleep, it's a miracle he lasted this long.]
...You're welcome, Iggy. [He hopes that it's enough.]
no subject
Even with a half can of Ebony? [ Then again, Noctis can have all of the sugar and crash out hard.
It's more than enough, Ignis is quite content to keep watching the stars until they pass out here together. ]
no subject
[His sleepy voice is already giving him away; he's Noctis Lucis Caelum, he can nap anywhere, anytime. Plus, he has the best pillow in the world right now.
He tries to focus on the stars, memorizing the constellations as best as he can with Ignis at his side, until at last he dozes off- content, safe, happy. He's loved and with his dearest friend. What better place could there ever be?]