faesphere | [Random RP Post

[... ... ... ... ... Oh.

Oh.

Teddy's eyes widen, and not only does the haze clear out, but some of the lighter color returns as well. This is... Billy's actually serious, and he barely wasted any time to bring it up. He sits up now, more so that he can be face to face with Billy rather than just looking up at him from where he was.]

You... You're ready? Are you sure? I mean, we haven't really...

[He rubs at the back of his neck and glances to the side; they haven't really talked about this. That's what couples usually do, right? Before the big virginity loss? Not that Teddy hasn't thought about it (he only has about 24/7), but this... is kind of big.]

Is - Uh, is this how you want to do it? [... Do they even know what they're doing?]

[BIlly smiles softly at that, trying not to look as amused and relieved as he feels at the clumsy, quasi-affirmative answer. He doesn't want his own feelings to pressure Teddy if he's not certain yet.

But. But. It's not a no.

He shifts up to face the blond, reaching out to stroke his hair, hoping to soothe his nerves.]

The 'how' never really mattered to me. It's the 'who' that's important, yeah? Anyway... I'm sure. But I don't want to do anything if you're not, so be honest with me.

[With Billy's hands in his hair, Teddy brings his gaze back to his boyfriend, only to see him looking at him so... so earnestly. It makes him want to meet Billy's request to be honest, even though the thought of doing that kind of terrifies him. What if he doesn't do anything right? What if Billy's not impressed with anything does? What if, what if... What if Billy thinks he's being dumb about this? He's acting so calm about it all...]

I... [He swallows, and he can't help glancing away once more before giving him his attention again.] Yeah, I want to, I just... I don't want to mess this up. [He gives a nervous little laugh as he keeps going:] I mean, compared to you right now, I must look really... [Dumb, nervous, whatever? He's opening up a lot of himself, and it makes him feel so vulnerable right now.]

Gorgeous? Handsome? Dashing?

[It's probably the least helpful thing he could say at that moment, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to imagine or indulge the sort of self-deprecating words Teddy must be thinking; he's well aware that it's a part of who Teddy is, but it's a very unnecessary and harmful part, and one he'd like to ease out of him with as much encouragement as he can muster. It grates at him that someone so amazing and kind has had his confidence ground to dust, and he wants to draw out the Teddy he knows is under the surface- the one who is proud of himself, who stands tall, who's brave enough not just to face their enemies in a fight but to kneel with a ring and a belief that they'd be together forever, that he deserves to be happy.

He leans in closer, catching Teddy's lips in a long, lingering kiss, one into which he pours as much emotion as he can- not a steamy kiss to get him horny but one that's pure, sappy, unfiltered love. A kiss not from a new boyfriend but from a lover, a husband, a life partner. He can't not kiss like that anymore. It's how he feels, and he can't hide that honesty. Not from Teddy.

I love you. Trust me.

You're perfect.]

You look really kissable. And it's impossible for you to mess this up, so try to relax, okay?

Edited 2015-07-31 09:21 (UTC)

[Teddy's caught off-guard by the sudden terms of endearments from Billy, enough that the self-deprecating thoughts in his head are shaken up. He didn't really expect Billy to do something like that - or kiss him like that.

He's still not used to Billy kissing him this way. He'd noticed it shortly after they returned to the war, the first time they were able to share a kiss that wasn't chaste. It wasn't like the past kisses they shared, so new and unsure, so clumsy and yet so sincere, jittery yet elated, a fire of passion hidden underneath. This one was full of surety and honesty, it's stable yet still full of joy, that roaring fire from before becoming a hearth instead. Teddy has no idea how they shifted to this, but he doesn't mind it so much, even though he feels like he stumbles to keep up.

And it's... so, so nice to be kissed like this. Like he's loved, so so loved, like Billy's long-since read the book of his life and still loves him with every fiber of his being. His hands slide into Billy's hair as he receives the kiss, drowning in it and yet taking it in like he was lost in a desert.

Teddy still has his eyes shut when Billy pulls back and speaks again, still dazed by the kiss. His cheeks are flushed, both from the kiss and the words, and he takes in a deep, steadying breath... then lets it out, opens his eyes, and gives a small nod.]

Okay. [He smiles a little, nerves still showing their subtle betrayal within it.] Okay... Let's do this, then.

[... Where do they even start?] So, uh... clothes first?

[Billy grins, unable to help himself. He feels a little victorious, not really because Teddy's agreed so much as he looks a bit less jittery about it than before. He'll have to remember that.]

Clothes are a good start. The real trick is to not overthink it. Just do what feels right.

[He gestures to himself, an open invitation for Teddy to explore said clothing removal if he wants. He fully expects to take the lead when they start going further, but letting Teddy take the reins with the little stuff will at least build some confidence that he's not screwing up.]

[The grin of Billy's makes Teddy smile too, both from nerves and from excitement. Are they really going to do this now? He still feels like it's a little fast, but it still feels right. It feels so right, and he can't wait to get to it already.

And with that invitation, Teddy leans forward, hand lifted - but then pauses, a thought passing through his mind that demands his attention so much that he can't brush it aside. Maybe he should -

No, he doesn't want to rock the boat, he doesn't want to upset things, and bringing that up would surely do it. So he closes his eyes, hopes Billy doesn't notice his small hesitation, then leans in to press open kisses to the dip in his shoulder, hands tracing the edge of his jeans. That thought won't stop nagging at him, but he can ignore it. It doesn't really matter in the long run, does it?]

[The pause makes Billy curious, and when Teddy brushes it off, he tries to do the same, eyes closing to enjoy the sensation of being caressed and kissed by the one he loves. His hands lift to touch Teddy's shoulders, encouraging him to come closer, to keep moving and exploring as he pleases. It should be fine, right? He'd asked Teddy to be honest, and Teddy said he wanted to, so...

...still, it's a niggling little doubt that won't stop bothering him now, and after a long series of moments he sighs quietly. He really can't enjoy this to the fullest if he's worrying about it, and he suspects Teddy won't be able to, either. So, softly:]

What's wrong?

[Shit. Shit shit shit, Billy noticed, they're going to stop, and Teddy would've ruined everything again - ]

Huh? Nothing, why? [He slides his hands up Billy's sides, then back down, fingers dipping under the edge of his pants. Maybe they can just get lost in the sensations, forget about it and move on with this.]

[Nngh. A part of him wants to just believe it and move on, because he trusts Teddy more than anyone else in the world. He sounds genuine enough. And god, but it feels good to have those hands on him, so very close to getting out what is aching to be free from the confines of his pants. It would be so easy to believe those words.

But.

But.

This is Teddy. A younger Teddy than he's used to, one who isn't as free and honest about things that could stir the pot or ruin the moment. When this Teddy hesitates and brushes it off, it means he needs to stop and listen.

So he bites his lip - bites back his reluctance - and leans away, reaching his hands back to catch Teddy's before they can go any further, and tries to meet his gaze.]

Stop, stop. Teddy, seriously. Talk to me.

Edited 2015-08-01 06:38 (UTC)

[Teddy's strong enough to overpower Billy's hands, but he'd never, ever do anything like that. Besides, Billy's grip feels like iron, and Teddy finds himself frozen in place, his own gaze on his boyfriend's chest rather than on his face. This is all starting to fall apart, and it's his own damn fault for not hiding what was bothering him enough.]

Seriously, nothing. [... He shuts his eyes, then looks up to meet Billy's gaze; because he wanted him to be more honest, ever since they started dating. And Teddy's been trying, but it's hard to break a habit that's developed over several years, and it's so hard to just ignore the feeling of everything crashing to the ground if he lets go of it.] It's stupid. Really.

It's not stupid if it's bothering you. Or hell, even if it isn't, even if it just made you hesitate- I want to hear it. I don't want to do this if there's anything, anything you're not sure about.

[He relaxes his grip a little, rubbing his thumbs over the back of Teddy's hands, and smiles encouragingly.]

Trust me, this is way better if we're both on the same page here.

[... ... ....

Teddy lets out a sigh at that, his shoulders dropping a bit and his gaze lowering once more. They're not going to move on with things until Teddy says something, right? But god, he doesn't know how this won't go badly.

Lose-lose either way, right? Might as well take the plunge. So he takes in a breath, and:]

I'm not your first, am I.

[Statement, not a question, and he glances up at Billy to gauge his reaction.]

[......Ah.

Billy's smile falters a little, replaced against his will by surprise and indecision. In retrospect, he probably should have seen that one coming, with how much more certain he'd been acting with Teddy since his return, and today in particular. Maybe he should have scaled it back, but he kind of... doesn't remember how to act so innocent or clueless as he'd been back when they were first experimenting. He's several years away from that.

He can't lie, because Teddy would know immediately, but he can't tell the truth, either, because that would become a bigger mess than he knows how to deal with right now. It wouldn't be right to ask Teddy to be honest and then hold back on his side though, so finally he just settles for vague. Hopefully that'll be enough.]

Not, um. Not exactly.

[You are, but not you, not yet. So it isn't a lie, right? Technically? Shit.

He ducks his head and chuckles faintly, trying to cover his nerves.]

That obvious, huh?

[Belatedly, fear bubbles to the surface of his mind, and something in him goes cold. He honestly hadn't considered this. What does this mean for them, if Teddy's a virgin and he isn't? Will it change things? Is it a real problem? Is he, like, tainted or something, by whatever mental image is being conjured in Teddy's mind now- him, doing this in the arms of some other boy?

Now that he's said it, it's not like he can take it back, but he finds himself wishing that he could.]

Yeah, kind of. [Teddy chuckles too, in much the same way, and gives a little gesture towards Billy himself.] I mean. You really know what you're doing.

[He'd suspected it for a little while, but what really sealed it was him talking about it like he'd done it before. "The real trick is to not overthink it." How would he know if this was his first time doing so? And how confident he was when giving him a blowjob, even though he was so nervous about doing so before. Maybe it was just Teddy?

Or maybe -

But he brushes that aside instantly, because Billy wouldn't do that, and that's something Teddy believes 100%.

He doesn't want Billy to think that this is a deal breaker though, because that would be stupid. So he reaches out, both hands covering Billy's cheeks.]

It doesn't bother me or anything, don't worry about that. I'm not that shallow.

[Hell, he's not even surprised. Billy's hot, and he's... talked about making out with a guy once - Jimmy, right? Could've been him. He tries not to think about the who part of everything.

Which is... part of the problem, part of what makes him hesitate. He glances away, hands lowering from Billy's face slightly.]

It's... a me thing. [You know, like always.] I don't... [He shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh.] I don't know how I'm going to measure up if...

[Billy already had a first, and that's always something special. What if Teddy's not as good as him? What if Billy thinks about the other guy during this? He's just short of saying I could change into him if you want me to, but he knows, knows that's not what Billy wants. It's an old, ugly habit.]

[Billy studies Teddy's expression, chewing idly on his lower lip as he considers those words. It's a bit reassuring, and... admittedly, it makes sense for Teddy to be worrying about his own performance more than Billy's purity or whatever. He's never been particularly judgmental about anyone's flaws but his own.

So... okay. Dealing with the actual problem. That's easier for him.]

Teddy... Teddy, I promise. There will be no measuring.

[He reaches up to take Teddy's hands again, more confidently this time, and kisses the back of each.]

I'm glad it doesn't bother you. I don't want it to change anything. I still want this, I still want you, and even if you decide here and now that we can't do it, I love you. So don't think of it as you versus him. Think of it as just you and me.

[And there's the L-word, something that can make Teddy feel like he's soaring. Right now, it mollifies him a little, knowing that there's no shortage of love in this, in what's going to be their first time. He doesn't think he could stand it if it was just about getting some hormones out of their system.

He's not sure if he can completely get the thought of "me vs. him" out of his system, but he'd much rather think of "me and Billy". And he's hoping that later on, when things get more and more intense, he'll think of that entirely and push the former one out of his head.

He smiles a little, and he glances up at Billy, still nervous, but... reassured a bit, at least.]

I love you too, you know? Just... tell me if I'm doing something wrong, or if you want me to do something or whatever, okay? I want this to be just as good for you, too.

Don't worry, I'll keep you in the know.

[They'd always been pretty good at communication in the bedroom in Luceti; he has no doubt that the habits will persist here, as well. And he's looking forward to giving Teddy another "first time".

He leans in, kissing Teddy on the lips again, then the corner of his lip, slowly working his way down his cheek and neck to try and ease them back into the mood. It's not like it was a fight or anything, but the seriousness and all that fretting had kind of killed his boner. He wants to do this the right way, not rushed and half-hearted.]

Do you mind if I lead? Since, um.

Uh... sure? I mean, yeah - no, I don't mind.

[He's kind of surprised Billy still wants this, seeing how all of Teddy's thoughts were centered around him ruining everything and killing the mood entirely with his worrying and his stupid - ... his issues. His own boner is pretty much dead too, only further fueling those thoughts.

Still, he wants this, and Billy does too - or, at least Billy hasn't said he doesn't. Maybe they can get this started again, get past this and get to the good parts. And... he has to admit. It does feel so much nicer, not having to worry too much or get that nagging thought in his head, now that he's talked it out.

So he shuts his eyes and tips his head, giving Billy ample access to whatever skin isn't under his shirt. It's already starting to feel good, and his dick is already showing some interest again. They can salvage this, and it'll be great. They're a team, after all.]

[With permission, Billy kisses at the crook of Teddy's neck for a bit longer before his hands lower and he works on getting the shirt up over his head. He can't give Teddy a hickey - he knows this well, and not for lack of trying - but he's pretty certain that he can get Teddy good and hard again. Once the shirt is off and casually discarded, he reaches up to brush his hands through Teddy's hair, settling it after the shirt had fluffed it up rather adorably.]

So, uh. Call it wishful thinking, but I kind to prepared for this. If you check the top drawer by the bed, it's under the game guide.

[Which is about as innocent as it can get, meaning his mother wouldn't check there.]

[When the shirt's removed, Teddy feels his stomach constrict a little. Those scars are still there, still prominent, though they look better than they did before. He doesn't like seeing them, Billy doesn't like seeing them, and he can't help feeling vulnerable like this.

But he trusts his boyfriend, and the hands in his hair soothe those nerves of his further. When he mentions the drawer, though...]

... Wait, really? [He leans over and pulls the drawer open, lifts up the game guide (who even buys game guides anymore?), and... yep. There they are. Teddy can't help setting free an amused, if somewhat shy laugh, as he pulls out a row of condoms and a tube of lube.]

Oh my god. You actually did.

[He knows about Teddy's sensitivity, but he doesn't so much as look at the scars, let alone touch them. He does like to see Teddy's chest, though, and he'd hate for the fact that they'd had to go through that terrible experience to affect what's about to happen tonight. It's... important, he thinks, for them to be open with themselves, body and heart. No clothes, no barriers.

Thankfully neither of them feel the need to comment on it, and when Teddy pulls out the supplies, Billy grins, reaching out to snag the lube.]

Don't ask me how I got them. It's a way more embarrassing story than I'm ever willing to share. But hey, it wasn't for nothing.

How did you sneak them past - You know what, never mind.

[Because bringing up Billy's mom while they're trying to have sex is not particularly sexy. Teddy tears off one of the condom packets, letting the others sit on the bed and out of the way, then raises an eyebrow at Billy's form in front of him.]

Sooo... how come I get to be naked over here while you've still got your pants on?

[Body and heart, no clothes no barriers?]

[Oh god, Teddy, thanks for derailing that question. Billy makes a face and leans back a little, hands rested on the bed to prop himself up, almost as if on display.]

If it bothers you so much, why don't you take care of that?

[He'd been planning to get them off soon anyway - can't hit the next step without it - but hey, if Teddy wants to do the honours, he's fine with that.]

[Give him a moment, Billy, Teddy's busy looking you up and down and appreciating the view of that torso on display like that. He just wants to kiss it, and with that invitation, Teddy wastes no further time to do so.]

Don't mind if I do.

[He leans forward, first kissing Billy's lips, then pressing more of them downwards, over his adam's apple and collarbones. When he reaches Billy's chest, he licks a stripe up the center of it, one hand supporting his back while the other slides up his abdomen, then moves down, moving past the button and zipper to palm the bulge in his jeans.

He tries not to think of someone else getting to touch Billy like this, and when he does, he does his best to brush it aside. This is what matters right here, his boyfriend opening up to him, loving him, sharing this moment with him, and Teddy soaking up all of it and giving him all of it in return. And he feels so, so fortunate to be here and experiencing this, to be the one who can do this right here, at this moment.

This is what matters.]

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