faesphere | [Random RP Post

[Shit. Shit shit shit, Billy noticed, they're going to stop, and Teddy would've ruined everything again - ]

Huh? Nothing, why? [He slides his hands up Billy's sides, then back down, fingers dipping under the edge of his pants. Maybe they can just get lost in the sensations, forget about it and move on with this.]

[Nngh. A part of him wants to just believe it and move on, because he trusts Teddy more than anyone else in the world. He sounds genuine enough. And god, but it feels good to have those hands on him, so very close to getting out what is aching to be free from the confines of his pants. It would be so easy to believe those words.

But.

But.

This is Teddy. A younger Teddy than he's used to, one who isn't as free and honest about things that could stir the pot or ruin the moment. When this Teddy hesitates and brushes it off, it means he needs to stop and listen.

So he bites his lip - bites back his reluctance - and leans away, reaching his hands back to catch Teddy's before they can go any further, and tries to meet his gaze.]

Stop, stop. Teddy, seriously. Talk to me.

Edited 2015-08-01 06:38 (UTC)

[Teddy's strong enough to overpower Billy's hands, but he'd never, ever do anything like that. Besides, Billy's grip feels like iron, and Teddy finds himself frozen in place, his own gaze on his boyfriend's chest rather than on his face. This is all starting to fall apart, and it's his own damn fault for not hiding what was bothering him enough.]

Seriously, nothing. [... He shuts his eyes, then looks up to meet Billy's gaze; because he wanted him to be more honest, ever since they started dating. And Teddy's been trying, but it's hard to break a habit that's developed over several years, and it's so hard to just ignore the feeling of everything crashing to the ground if he lets go of it.] It's stupid. Really.

It's not stupid if it's bothering you. Or hell, even if it isn't, even if it just made you hesitate- I want to hear it. I don't want to do this if there's anything, anything you're not sure about.

[He relaxes his grip a little, rubbing his thumbs over the back of Teddy's hands, and smiles encouragingly.]

Trust me, this is way better if we're both on the same page here.

[... ... ....

Teddy lets out a sigh at that, his shoulders dropping a bit and his gaze lowering once more. They're not going to move on with things until Teddy says something, right? But god, he doesn't know how this won't go badly.

Lose-lose either way, right? Might as well take the plunge. So he takes in a breath, and:]

I'm not your first, am I.

[Statement, not a question, and he glances up at Billy to gauge his reaction.]

[......Ah.

Billy's smile falters a little, replaced against his will by surprise and indecision. In retrospect, he probably should have seen that one coming, with how much more certain he'd been acting with Teddy since his return, and today in particular. Maybe he should have scaled it back, but he kind of... doesn't remember how to act so innocent or clueless as he'd been back when they were first experimenting. He's several years away from that.

He can't lie, because Teddy would know immediately, but he can't tell the truth, either, because that would become a bigger mess than he knows how to deal with right now. It wouldn't be right to ask Teddy to be honest and then hold back on his side though, so finally he just settles for vague. Hopefully that'll be enough.]

Not, um. Not exactly.

[You are, but not you, not yet. So it isn't a lie, right? Technically? Shit.

He ducks his head and chuckles faintly, trying to cover his nerves.]

That obvious, huh?

[Belatedly, fear bubbles to the surface of his mind, and something in him goes cold. He honestly hadn't considered this. What does this mean for them, if Teddy's a virgin and he isn't? Will it change things? Is it a real problem? Is he, like, tainted or something, by whatever mental image is being conjured in Teddy's mind now- him, doing this in the arms of some other boy?

Now that he's said it, it's not like he can take it back, but he finds himself wishing that he could.]

Yeah, kind of. [Teddy chuckles too, in much the same way, and gives a little gesture towards Billy himself.] I mean. You really know what you're doing.

[He'd suspected it for a little while, but what really sealed it was him talking about it like he'd done it before. "The real trick is to not overthink it." How would he know if this was his first time doing so? And how confident he was when giving him a blowjob, even though he was so nervous about doing so before. Maybe it was just Teddy?

Or maybe -

But he brushes that aside instantly, because Billy wouldn't do that, and that's something Teddy believes 100%.

He doesn't want Billy to think that this is a deal breaker though, because that would be stupid. So he reaches out, both hands covering Billy's cheeks.]

It doesn't bother me or anything, don't worry about that. I'm not that shallow.

[Hell, he's not even surprised. Billy's hot, and he's... talked about making out with a guy once - Jimmy, right? Could've been him. He tries not to think about the who part of everything.

Which is... part of the problem, part of what makes him hesitate. He glances away, hands lowering from Billy's face slightly.]

It's... a me thing. [You know, like always.] I don't... [He shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh.] I don't know how I'm going to measure up if...

[Billy already had a first, and that's always something special. What if Teddy's not as good as him? What if Billy thinks about the other guy during this? He's just short of saying I could change into him if you want me to, but he knows, knows that's not what Billy wants. It's an old, ugly habit.]

[Billy studies Teddy's expression, chewing idly on his lower lip as he considers those words. It's a bit reassuring, and... admittedly, it makes sense for Teddy to be worrying about his own performance more than Billy's purity or whatever. He's never been particularly judgmental about anyone's flaws but his own.

So... okay. Dealing with the actual problem. That's easier for him.]

Teddy... Teddy, I promise. There will be no measuring.

[He reaches up to take Teddy's hands again, more confidently this time, and kisses the back of each.]

I'm glad it doesn't bother you. I don't want it to change anything. I still want this, I still want you, and even if you decide here and now that we can't do it, I love you. So don't think of it as you versus him. Think of it as just you and me.

[And there's the L-word, something that can make Teddy feel like he's soaring. Right now, it mollifies him a little, knowing that there's no shortage of love in this, in what's going to be their first time. He doesn't think he could stand it if it was just about getting some hormones out of their system.

He's not sure if he can completely get the thought of "me vs. him" out of his system, but he'd much rather think of "me and Billy". And he's hoping that later on, when things get more and more intense, he'll think of that entirely and push the former one out of his head.

He smiles a little, and he glances up at Billy, still nervous, but... reassured a bit, at least.]

I love you too, you know? Just... tell me if I'm doing something wrong, or if you want me to do something or whatever, okay? I want this to be just as good for you, too.

Don't worry, I'll keep you in the know.

[They'd always been pretty good at communication in the bedroom in Luceti; he has no doubt that the habits will persist here, as well. And he's looking forward to giving Teddy another "first time".

He leans in, kissing Teddy on the lips again, then the corner of his lip, slowly working his way down his cheek and neck to try and ease them back into the mood. It's not like it was a fight or anything, but the seriousness and all that fretting had kind of killed his boner. He wants to do this the right way, not rushed and half-hearted.]

Do you mind if I lead? Since, um.

Uh... sure? I mean, yeah - no, I don't mind.

[He's kind of surprised Billy still wants this, seeing how all of Teddy's thoughts were centered around him ruining everything and killing the mood entirely with his worrying and his stupid - ... his issues. His own boner is pretty much dead too, only further fueling those thoughts.

Still, he wants this, and Billy does too - or, at least Billy hasn't said he doesn't. Maybe they can get this started again, get past this and get to the good parts. And... he has to admit. It does feel so much nicer, not having to worry too much or get that nagging thought in his head, now that he's talked it out.

So he shuts his eyes and tips his head, giving Billy ample access to whatever skin isn't under his shirt. It's already starting to feel good, and his dick is already showing some interest again. They can salvage this, and it'll be great. They're a team, after all.]

[With permission, Billy kisses at the crook of Teddy's neck for a bit longer before his hands lower and he works on getting the shirt up over his head. He can't give Teddy a hickey - he knows this well, and not for lack of trying - but he's pretty certain that he can get Teddy good and hard again. Once the shirt is off and casually discarded, he reaches up to brush his hands through Teddy's hair, settling it after the shirt had fluffed it up rather adorably.]

So, uh. Call it wishful thinking, but I kind to prepared for this. If you check the top drawer by the bed, it's under the game guide.

[Which is about as innocent as it can get, meaning his mother wouldn't check there.]

[When the shirt's removed, Teddy feels his stomach constrict a little. Those scars are still there, still prominent, though they look better than they did before. He doesn't like seeing them, Billy doesn't like seeing them, and he can't help feeling vulnerable like this.

But he trusts his boyfriend, and the hands in his hair soothe those nerves of his further. When he mentions the drawer, though...]

... Wait, really? [He leans over and pulls the drawer open, lifts up the game guide (who even buys game guides anymore?), and... yep. There they are. Teddy can't help setting free an amused, if somewhat shy laugh, as he pulls out a row of condoms and a tube of lube.]

Oh my god. You actually did.

[He knows about Teddy's sensitivity, but he doesn't so much as look at the scars, let alone touch them. He does like to see Teddy's chest, though, and he'd hate for the fact that they'd had to go through that terrible experience to affect what's about to happen tonight. It's... important, he thinks, for them to be open with themselves, body and heart. No clothes, no barriers.

Thankfully neither of them feel the need to comment on it, and when Teddy pulls out the supplies, Billy grins, reaching out to snag the lube.]

Don't ask me how I got them. It's a way more embarrassing story than I'm ever willing to share. But hey, it wasn't for nothing.

How did you sneak them past - You know what, never mind.

[Because bringing up Billy's mom while they're trying to have sex is not particularly sexy. Teddy tears off one of the condom packets, letting the others sit on the bed and out of the way, then raises an eyebrow at Billy's form in front of him.]

Sooo... how come I get to be naked over here while you've still got your pants on?

[Body and heart, no clothes no barriers?]

[Oh god, Teddy, thanks for derailing that question. Billy makes a face and leans back a little, hands rested on the bed to prop himself up, almost as if on display.]

If it bothers you so much, why don't you take care of that?

[He'd been planning to get them off soon anyway - can't hit the next step without it - but hey, if Teddy wants to do the honours, he's fine with that.]

[Give him a moment, Billy, Teddy's busy looking you up and down and appreciating the view of that torso on display like that. He just wants to kiss it, and with that invitation, Teddy wastes no further time to do so.]

Don't mind if I do.

[He leans forward, first kissing Billy's lips, then pressing more of them downwards, over his adam's apple and collarbones. When he reaches Billy's chest, he licks a stripe up the center of it, one hand supporting his back while the other slides up his abdomen, then moves down, moving past the button and zipper to palm the bulge in his jeans.

He tries not to think of someone else getting to touch Billy like this, and when he does, he does his best to brush it aside. This is what matters right here, his boyfriend opening up to him, loving him, sharing this moment with him, and Teddy soaking up all of it and giving him all of it in return. And he feels so, so fortunate to be here and experiencing this, to be the one who can do this right here, at this moment.

This is what matters.]

[Billy groans quietly at the attention, lifting one arm to wind around Teddy's shoulder for support to avoid falling back. There's not enough of the bed left on his end to do that, much as he'd love to lay beneath his boyfriend and let him go to town, and he does have a few things in mind for how this goes. For that, he needs to be upright.

He's genuinely curious about what Teddy will do first, though, so he murmurs encouragements into Teddy's ear, his hips arching into the hand at his groin. At the very least, Teddy can get a feel for the fact that he's getting hard again, and fast.]

[Feeling that growing hardness against his hand is a good sign, one that makes his confidence grow a little. He smirks a bit against Billy's skin, then trails his lips over to one of his nipples, where he first kisses it, then sucks on it gently, loving the way it hardens under his tongue.

Speaking of hardening, Teddy wants to feel that growing erection more closely, skin to skin. With that desire in mind, he slides his hand up to the button of Billy's jeans, and...

... Well, and...

... Gah. Buttons with one hand.

If he had his memories of Luceti, if he was more comfortable with who (and what) he is, then he'd just shift to make things easier on him. As it is, he struggles for a moment, then leans his head back enough to murmur:]

Hold yourself up for a second...

[And while his head's up, he moves on to the other nipple, giving it some equal attention as he moves his other hand to join the other in its task. With both hands working, he gets the pants undone in no time, and he eagerly pulls down both the jeans and the underwear.

Heeeey, Little Bill. Free at last?]

[Free at last. And at 100% again, thank god. Billy shivers, shifting his body to wiggle just enough to get the clothes off his hips, baring more skin. The rest can wait a little longer, but it feels so good to get out of those jeans. They'd never felt so tight before. If it were any other day they'd be giving one another handjobs or oral or just make out for a while, but... hmm. As far as he can recall, discounting Luceti, this will be the first time that they'll be fully naked together. He already knows Teddy's body, but this is kind of a Big Deal.

He idly brushes his hand through Teddy's hair, somewhat breathless now. Scars or no, Teddy looks amazing like this, naked and erect and getting his tongue all over Billy's body... yeah, this'll be awesome.]

Mm... you know... you're really hot. Have I said that? Because you totally are.

[The compliment makes Teddy falter a bit, because really hot isn't a word he'd use for himself at all. Far from it, really. He ends up snorting quietly, both in embarrassment and humor, and starts pressing his kisses down to Billy's abdomen.]

Come on, you're the gorgeously hot one here.

[Well, he is. Billy is so attractive - it was, admittedly, one of the first things he noticed about him. Teddy has had to shift in the past to look something like that, but for Billy? That's all natural.]

These things are not mutually exclusive, y'know.

[Even with his words a bit breathless, he says it with as much conviction as he can muster. He's never doubted that Teddy finds him hot. Not to be egotistical, but he's aware of the fact that he's not bad to look at. He does want Teddy to understand that he finds his boyfriend absurdly attractive, though. That bit's important.]

Mmm.

[Maybe they can skip that part and move on to more important things. Teddy moves further downward, hands moving with him until they slide down Billy's thighs, tugging at his pants along the way. It'll be the first time they're both completely bare and naked in front of each other, and god, Teddy wants it. But first... there's a pretty erect dick right there in front of him, and he presses a kiss to the tip before he looks up at Billy.]

You want me to...?

[Billy can't help gasping, eyes clenching shut at the sensation. God, but it's tempting. Teddy's getting pretty good at it, too, and he's right there...]

Mm... I gotta do some prep before we can really get this going, so. I won't say no...

[In other words, it's Teddy's call. But it would be appreciated, especially since the aforementioned prep work is good at killing boners when he does it himself.]

[And here Teddy's thinking that he's the one who'll be getting prep work done to him. After all, Billy knows what he's doing and Teddy doesn't, and he's the one who's been really leading this whole time. So Teddy lets out a huff of breath, more to calm his own nerves than anything, and gives a nervous little laugh. Not that he doesn't want it, that's not it at all. It's just... new, and so, so intimate, and kind of intimidating as a result.]

Yeah... gotta really take your time with that, huh?

[It's an invitation, and Teddy decides to take it. Wrapping his hand around the base of Billy's erection, Teddy takes the tip into his mouth, sucking gently as he pulls back, and then takes it in further. He's been thinking about what it'd be like to shift his mouth for this, make it that much better for his boyfriend, but - but. It'd be so awkward and weird for Billy to feel, wouldn't it? So, for now, he holds back on shifting anything. This is definitely enough.]

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