[ He's quieter on the way back to the campsite, sticking near Noctis as close as he can. Ignis exhales a sigh of relief when they get back to the campsite. He'd like to wrap up the hunt then put as much distance between them and Insomnia as he can.
He fishes for the keys out of his pocket, then quietly hands them to Noctis. It's like he had gone mute, not wanting to talk at the current moment, the rush of danger leaving his system, the vision fading, but very much haunting his thoughts again.
He'll follow Noctis to the car and help carry stuff back to the site, keeping his thoughts down for now. ]
[The quiet is both worrisome and upsetting, but Noctis doesn't know what he did to merit it - if it was him at all - so he's not sure what to question yet. He'd been so normal before... maybe the attack really did shake him up that badly? That didn't seem like Ignis, though...
What do you know. That traitor voice in the back of his mind is all too happy to remind him of how little he does know, and the idea of a real answer worries him more than he cares to admit, so he lets the silence hang between them like a noose, choking his words. He and Ignis work together quietly to get the camp supplied and set up, until finally it's ready enough that Noctis can start the fire in the center and sit back on his heels, casting worried glances in Ignis' direction. Now what...?]
[ Oh, he wants to talk, but he isn't sure how to bring it up. How can he? It's going to hurt Noctis, hell, the both of them, but he's hurting Noctis now with his silence.
He's quiet as he works with Noctis, carrying the camping gear back to the campsite, getting it set up. He doesn't mean to worry Noctis like this, but he's in a battle of what's real and what isn't now.
Once the fire comes to life, he catches Noctis shooting worried looks in his direction. Quietly, Ignis moves to kneel next to Noctis, hand falling on his shoulder, he's trembling a bit. ]
I'm not alright, [ tone shaking when he finally speaks up, breaking his silence. He's not hurt physically much anymore thanks to Noctis healing him, but his mental state is slowly breaking apart.
He sits down on the ground, letting the fire pop and crack in the night air. Ignis lets his head rest on Noctis' shoulder, eyes shutting, desperate for comfort. ]
Hold me, please? [ Help me is the quiet plea there. A tear runs down his cheek as his resolve breaks. ]
[Not alright... as if he wasn't worried enough already. Physically he seems fine, healed and well, if a little tired and stressed. But there's obviously more going on right now, and plenty that Noctis doesn't understand.
Without hesitation he lifts his arms to wind them both around Ignis, pulling him close and holding him tightly. He rests his head on Ignis' hair, exhaling faintly, trying poorly to conceal the worry in his voice.]
I'm here... I'm right here.
[He doesn't know what to do, or if he can even help with this, but he damn well wants to try his best.]
[ When he feels the arms go around him, Ignis hesitates for a split second before he returns the hug, burying his face onto Noct's shoulder as best as he can. He needs this, he needs to feel the real Noctis right now.
This is the Noctis that saved his life, that healed him, that's holding him right now.
It's stupid, he thinks, to get hung up on a vision that felt real. He still doesn't know where that came from, it caused him to get captured.
He's breathing slowly and softy, clutching onto Noctis tightly. This is helping him break apart the two Noctis' in his head. This is helping him heal and he needs to before he can talk properly. He's not crying, just trembling a bit. ]
... Thank you. [ tone a bit shaky still, but a bit better than before. He's not quite ready to talk about it, holding onto Noctis even tighter at his own words. ]
[Noctis doesn't answer directly at first, merely continues to hold him, kissing his hair, quietly stroking it, and hoping that his presence and the softer touch of someone who cares about him will soothe Ignis' nerves and help him relax enough to talk. This doesn't feel like something that a simple hug can fix, much as he'd love for it to. Life is rarely that simple; he's only (technically) a few days old at this point and he knows that much already.
He really, truly wished he knew what the problem was, so he'd know what more to do, but he can't force this. All he can do is keep holding on until Ignis is ready.]
You don't have to thank me for this.
[He's the one who took his eyes off of Ignis, even knowing his life was in danger. Hell, he's the one who brought back the dawn and inspired these murder attempts. This is just as much his fault as theirs.]
[ Everything that Noctis is doing is helping him greatly, he can feel his nerves calming down, his body going into a relaxed state.
He wants to both laugh and cry at that statement, but he doesn't. He simply keeps holding onto Noctis tightly. He has plenty to thank Noctis for, ever since yesterday, Noctis has been nothing but helpful in regards to Ignis' well being.
It's such a simple emotion, but the love that he feels coming off Noctis is overpowering everything else that he's feeling. He's in the arms of someone that loves him, cares for him. Not in the arms of someone that'll hurt him, no, never. He quickly shakes that off, snapping it back down in his mind.
He's letting himself be selfish here, he's allowed to be, Noctis told him five years ago. He doesn't have to hold anything back anymore, never again. He thinks he's ready to start talking, but he keeps quiet for a bit longer.
Instead, he lifts his head up, planting a kiss on Noctis' lips, arms strengthening his hold on the other man. He pours out his thankfulness, love and care into this. It's short and sweet before he pulls away again, resting his head back onto Noct's shoulder once more. ]
.... I'm ready. [ To talk, but first: ] How'd you find me?
[It's an easier answer than the panicked tracking he'd had to do while escaping the hunt, or the frightening cries he'd followed. And, he hopes, more reassuring for Ignis. In his heart it's the truth; whatever happens, whether he's taken away by the gods or separated by other means- he'll search for Ignis, so they can be reunited once more. The world's kept them apart long enough already. He'd returned the kiss without hesitation, glad that Ignis felt enough comfort to seek him out that way. He hopes that it, too, helped him.]
[ Ignis smiles a little at the answer and when Noctis kisses him back. The moment doesn't last long though, when he hears the question.
He doesn't want to just yet, first things first, he wants to make a few things clear. Crystal clear, Noctis may not have his memories back, but he's still Noctis. He doesn't want him to be blaming himself over this. Ignis has to admit that he's a bit afraid of Noctis' reaction to this.
Hopefully, the fact that he's clinging to the other man helps Noctis out too, that he felt comfortable enough to seek out Noct's help. He doesn't move from his spot when he starts talking. ]
I love you, [ Ignis whispers quietly ] nothing - nothing - can tear us apart now. You're helping me out a great deal, more than you realize.
[ He takes a shaky breath, hating the words that are about to come out. ]
I've come to believe that I was knocked unconscious, [ he begins quietly. ] after I was knocked out of the battlefield by an anak. That man got the jump on me cause of it, I woke where you found me.
[ This isn't the worst part of it, that's not what terrified him. If he's honest with himself, he started calling out for Noctis cause of the demon that he'd been fighting with in his mind. He'd barely noticed the blade about to come down on him otherwise. ]
During that time while I was out, I was taken back to the shack near Hammerhead. [ He pauses for a second, squeezing onto Noctis tighter. ] I saw you, standing over me, not to help.. [ He doesn't want to say it, so he doesn't. He's trying to keep his tone even as he explains it, but it's coming out shaky again. ]
It was a trick of my mind, [ a chill goes up his back, talking about this is making him face this fear again. That seed had been trying to plant itself in his mind, but he wouldn't let it. ] but when I woke, I saw you again, but it wasn't you.
I... I don't know what scared me more, the mind tricks or that man. [ speaking of mind tricks. ] While I was out, I heard a voice, taunting me. That you wouldn't help or save me.
[ Ignis lifts his head up here, looking up at Noctis. ] I won't let it beat me. You did the exact opposite of what that voice was taunting me with.
Noct, you saved me, healed me and you're helping me now. [ a new determination shows up in Ignis' eyes, determined to come back from this. ] I need you, please help me. I can't do this alone.
[ He still hasn't let go of Noctis, he's afraid to. That and he doesn't want to be alone right now. ]
[Noctis doesn't let go, but that's a shift in his body language as Ignis speaks, a tension that wasn't so apparent before. The way Ignis clings on does help, but it's still difficult to hear about that... that vision, or whatever, that Ignis saw. Even to know that the man's own mind might carry some secret belief or fear that Noctis would hurt him... is it because he witnessed the other man die that way? Are these powers of his so horrifying that they leave someone he loves traumatized? He hadn't even thought about it... but he'd burned a man alive. Of course that would be awful to witness. And now it's happened again.
Maybe... he shouldn't be using these powers anymore. They're proof that there's something wrong with him- that he's not the right Noct, that he's forgotten, that he's just a replacement sent by the Astrals as some kind of consolation prize. And they don't even know how long he'll be around for.
He looks down at his arms, the marks on his hand that stand out stark over bare skin as he holds Ignis, and his grasp loosens just a little. He shouldn't be holding anyone with these hands...
He struggles, for a little while, to find his voice, and what he at last manages to say is,]
Maybe... we should go back to Insomnia. It'd be safer if you were with your- with other people.
[He wouldn't have terrible visions of Gladio or Prompto, surely. They'd support him like they always did, and he'd find that more familiar. He wouldn't be out on this dangerous journey looking for Noctis' lost memories, when it isn't safe and Noctis himself is just as much the cause of his fear as those hunting him.]
No. [ is his first response, already hurting by that suggestion. He's in terrible danger if he goes back to Insomnia.
When Noctis loosens his grip up on Ignis, he only tightens his, tugging Noctis back into that tight embrace. He knew opening up to that was going to hurt Noct, but he hadn't realized it hurt him that bad. He's trembling a little as he holds on. ]
I trust you. I'm safer out here with you, Insomnia is far too dangerous. You did what you had to do to save me, I wouldn't be here if you hadn't used your powers.
[ Ignis looks at Noctis now ] I see someone who loves me, cares for me, who wouldn't dare hurt someone he loves.
[ Noctis isn't a monster, far from it. ]
I need you, [ he repeats his own words from before. ] You asked me to stick closer to you and that's what I'm going to do. You don't want to lose me and I don't want to lose you either, Noct.
I have too much faith in you to let this beat me.
[ He tilts his head up a bit ] I love you, Noct. [ before he's tugging him into a powerful kiss, that says so much.
Don't leave me.
I believe in you, in us.
Please don't go....
He keeps them lip locked, wanting to prove once and for all that he needs his Noctis by his side. He can't go about this alone. He's in good hands, no matter what his mind is trying to tell him. ]
[Noctis holds the kiss as long as he's able, wanting to draw from that comfort, but unable to stop worrying about it. It wouldn't be unusual for Ignis to force himself for Noct's sake, right? That's familiar. Anything would surely be better than being out here with just him.
When he pulls back, he can't help looking distressed, still.]
I didn't mean that I'd leave... but it's dangerous out here, too, and it's just us. I... I'm worried that I won't come in time, if this happens again. If I can't save you...
[He said he'd always find Ignis, and that's true. But he's not all-powerful. Next time, he might arrive too late and find a corpse instead of the man he loves. And considering what Ignis himself had said moments ago, it's a valid fear that they share.]
I won't go anywhere without you. But we don't have to be here. I can live without memories if it means keeping you alive.
[Ignis has already sacrificed plenty for him. What's he sacrificed? He has so little to give now, so it isn't a great demand, in exchange for the safety and security of more of their friends.]
[ He sighs softly when Noctis pulls back from the kiss, listening to his valid fears. Both times he been way too close for comfort, but he's alive. Noctis had found him in time.
He gives a pained smile. ]
I'm underneath strict orders to stay away from Insomnia, [ that had come from Prompto himself and Gladio, both of them will kill Ignis if he returned knowing that his life is in greater risk there. ] We couldn't return if we wanted to.
[ A wave of relief floods his system, Noctis won't leave him. He'd been afraid of Noct leaving him after hearing that, he's determined to keep it that way now. ]
It's dangerous no matter which way we go, but it's safer out here. [ He's stubborn on that point, Insomnia holds too many people. Someone had gotten into a business meeting, who knows what other nasty traps there are waiting for him. At least out here, he had hide in the shadows and watch his back easier. ]
Out here, we have other towns to hide in. [ he exhales a sigh ] That first man you killed got into a business meeting somehow, who knows what other traps are waiting for me if I go back. My best guards could be one of them, I don't know.
[ He sets his hand on Noctis' cheek, thumb idly rubbing there. ]
I'm in good hands out here. There's no one else I'd rather have watching my back. And if you end up in trouble, I'll find you. [ He'll admit that he's a dangerous force to be reckoned with if Noctis ends up in danger.
He shakes his head a little. ]
... It's my fault I got into this mess this time around. Out of habit I threw my daggers, I haven't fought side by side with you like that in ages. I used to be able to recall them, but I can't anymore. I'll be more careful next time.
[ he lets another sigh escape him, if he only hadn't thrown his daggers, then he wouldn't ended up in trouble again. ]
We'll keep each other alive. [ Altissia, that daemon on the final night springs to mind quickly ] I know you're scared that you won't make it in time, but we have to believe in each other, I believe that you'll save me if it happens again.
Don't doubt yourself, Noct.
[ A thought springs to mind, hopefully it helps Noctis out. ]
You recall our shared dream, do you remember asking me what it took to be brave and what I told you? Let that help you in saving me and I'll do the same if it happens to you. [ Love, it's such a powerful force that it can make a man do stupid things for the ones that they love. Ignis is no exception to this, he knows what he's capable of. ]
I'm due for a bit of payback, don't you think? I'd like to take down these terrorists myself. [ They caught him twice, not again. He wants revenge after his life has been on the line twice in a row by now. ]
[Prompto and Gladio could stuff it, in Noct's opinion, but Ignis is a grown man who can choose for himself, so Noctis can't force him either. He thinks back to their shared dream... some details are fuzzy, and it's been a long time for them both, but those are the clearest memories he's still able to hold on to. Ignis had helped him a lot that night. He'll try his best to cling to the belief he'd felt back then, so he can revive it and feel it again in the coming days. Nothing can stop them, nothing can hold them back.
Ignis' last words make a particular thought come to mind, and his brows lift a bit, considering it.]
Now that you say that... there's no reason for us to be doing all the running, here. We should be the ones hunting them.
[They're heroes, soldiers, saviors of the world. These guys are just criminals who can't accept change. This isn't how it's supposed to go.]
Let's take the time to review what we know. They hate the dawn and both attempts on my life have been at night. I think we'll be alright during the day.
[ He pauses for a second, not liking this next thought. ]
They have the upper hand on us, they know who I am, we don't know who these men are. Or what they look like. [ He frowns a little, shifting a little, arms going a little tighter on Noctis. ]
That's a problem.
[ A tiniest flicker of fear hits him. ] Noct, you took down two of their men, they have got to be nervous as to why my body hasn't shown up dead. I'm worried, [ scared even ] that they might getting the idea that I'm not alone. You'll have to be careful going forward with me. I'm afraid that they might go after you next.
[ He rests his head back down on Noctis' shoulder, listening to the fire still pop in the background. ] I won't let them hurt you. [ Not if he can't help it that is. ]
[Noctis scowls at that idea; Ignis can't see it with his head down, but it's audible in his tone.]
Let them. ...Come at me, I mean. If we get their eyes on me, you can come at them from behind. They'll regret even thinking about it.
[They've more than earned a little payback... later, though. When Ignis is fully recovered, not just a half-assed healing that leaves him too weakened to fight back against the next attack. Surely they can shake off a few assassins until then. The world's a big place.]
[ He's definitely weakened by the two attacks on him, especially after them being back to back, a day after another. He's exhausted at this point, Ignis doesn't know if he could put up much of a fight in his current state. He needs a break, badly.
His wounds have been healed, thanks to Noctis, but he knows he needs to make a full recovery first. It's life though, stuff just happens. They can't predict when the next attack will be other than possibly at night hours if he's correct on that assumption.
A small smile tugs on his face at Noctis' words, hearing the scowl in his tone. He's been awfully protective over Ignis since he's returned, he appreciates it greatly, but he's due to protect Noctis. Hopefully it doesn't come to that. ] I'll always have your back. [ he murmurs quietly ]
[ He recalls a many of time when they've set up camp and Noctis complains about being tired, Ignis insisting that he stay up for food at least. That hasn't changed here, he's tired himself, but he refuses to let them go to bed hungry.
He pulls his head back a bit, planting a kiss on Noct's cheek before he pulls back a bit more. ]
I'll need some assistance in cooking something. [ No, he doesn't, but he's curious if that'll spark up any new memories within Noctis. He's not taking no for an answer either. ]
No vegetables. [ Not after what Noctis has done for him tonight here, off the hook just this once.... for now, he supposes. ]
[Always have his back... that's reassuring, even if it's something he already knew. Surely things will look better in the morning- when they've rested, recovered, and had a proper sleep and can think clearly. Then they can start making plans for what to do next and where to go. Right now Ignis is right: they need to eat, and they need to sleep.
Noctis lets him go with minimal reluctance, pushing himself to his feet and moving to fuss with some of the supplies, poking through the food they'd found. Some fresh, some rations, spices... with Ignis' skills, there's plenty they can make a decent meal out of.]
I won't die if I eat vegetables. [He'll just whine about it, probably.] Wish we could've had anak meat tonight, though.
[ He's a little hesitant to let Noctis go, but he does. They can cuddle up to each other again later, after food. He kneels down by the supplies, trying to decide on what to make. Something quick ought to be good. ]
Consider it as a thank you, [ he replies back, picking up one of the meats. ] you've done an awful lot for me.
[ A wave of guilt hits him, but it's not his fault that they're on the run. ]
We'll get that anak meat tomorrow.
[ Ignis pushes himself up to get what he needs to start cooking, getting the burner ready. He plops the meat down, fishing out a knife to start preparing it.
Before his capture, he told Noctis to go with his instinct: ] Did you recall anything about using a sword?
[This trip is in part for him after all; they may not be running for his sake, but his needs are factoring into their destinations. And he has no doubt that Ignis will be helping him parse those memories before too long. Still, if Ignis will feel better by spoiling him, he won't say no.
He thinks back to the fight; he hadn't been in it for long before he'd been overwhelmed and had to go looking for Ignis, but...]
It started to come back to me, I think. My body moved on its own... it wanted me to warp, but I had to hold that back, since I don't think I can anymore. You were right, though. I still have those instincts.
[He just needs to figure out how to separate good instincts from bad, since he can't do everything he used to anymore.]
[ Just like him and his daggers, he thinks quietly. That's a habit that he has to break and he'll have to be more careful going forward.
He gets the meat going in the skillet. ]
Indeed, it was quite difficult to keep up with you sometimes. [ the first hint of a playful smirk on his face since his rescue. ]
You'll find your way in battle again. [ Just like Ignis had to when he was blind for a good ten years. ]
What about now? Anything feel familiar about the camp? [ It's just them for the moment, but Gladio and Prompto had been around as well, rough housing while Ignis cooked. ]
[Noctis glances around, taking in the visual- the tent, the equipment, the chairs around the fire. He purses his lips, quiet for a long moment.]
...It's too quiet. Not enough chairs.
[While setting things up he'd reached for a third and fourth chair, and had had to catch himself and stop before it confused him. The lack of bustle, arguing, and chatter is a little jarring as well.]
[ Though Ignis welcomes the quiet tonight. After Noctis' death, he went camping once a year himself, this is the first in a while where he's had someone else with him.
It's small steps, but Ignis feels like that they're making progress on Noctis' memories. As they keep moving, he gets the feeling that Noctis will keep remembering things, big or small.
He flips the meat, turning it over. ]
You're still Noct at the core, [ he looks at Noctis now, giving a smile - the first in a while. Regardless of how many memories he can get back, he's still Noctis, to Ignis. ] even if you don't get all of your memories back, I still see you, for you. [ It's why he'd fell in love with Noctis in the first place, but that's another topic for another time. ]
[Another long silence, cautious and uncomfortable, until Noctis approaches him and brushes up against his side, gently leaning on him and watching him cook.]
I... wasn't sure if you'd still want me. If I couldn't come back the way I used to be. I didn't want to say anything, but...
[He'd been afraid. Afraid it was the truth, afraid of Ignis' answer, afraid of hurting him with the question. He didn't want to be an incomplete version, when Ignis deserved someone whole.
To see him smiling like that, offering an answer to the question Noct didn't even ask yet... it's such a comfort.]
[ As the silence stretches on, Ignis is worried that he said something wrong, but then he feels Noctis at his side, listening to his valid fear.
He only needs one hand for the meat so he gets an arm around Noctis' waist, tugging him as close to Ignis as he can. ]
Nothing could be further from the truth, [ he says softly, giving Noctis a glance. ] your old and new memories will make up the new you and I love you just the same. Nothing can shake the way how I feel about you.
[ He truly means that. It's been five years since he felt that stir in his chest, love, but even he can't explain it. It's just something the he feels deep down, something that's unbreakable. ]
I still want you at my side, Noct. [ Now and forever, if he says anything to say about it. ]
I'm yours. [ Those two words had gone unspoken between them before five years ago, quietly passing them. ]
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no subject
He fishes for the keys out of his pocket, then quietly hands them to Noctis. It's like he had gone mute, not wanting to talk at the current moment, the rush of danger leaving his system, the vision fading, but very much haunting his thoughts again.
He'll follow Noctis to the car and help carry stuff back to the site, keeping his thoughts down for now. ]
no subject
What do you know. That traitor voice in the back of his mind is all too happy to remind him of how little he does know, and the idea of a real answer worries him more than he cares to admit, so he lets the silence hang between them like a noose, choking his words. He and Ignis work together quietly to get the camp supplied and set up, until finally it's ready enough that Noctis can start the fire in the center and sit back on his heels, casting worried glances in Ignis' direction. Now what...?]
no subject
He's quiet as he works with Noctis, carrying the camping gear back to the campsite, getting it set up. He doesn't mean to worry Noctis like this, but he's in a battle of what's real and what isn't now.
Once the fire comes to life, he catches Noctis shooting worried looks in his direction. Quietly, Ignis moves to kneel next to Noctis, hand falling on his shoulder, he's trembling a bit. ]
I'm not alright, [ tone shaking when he finally speaks up, breaking his silence. He's not hurt physically much anymore thanks to Noctis healing him, but his mental state is slowly breaking apart.
He sits down on the ground, letting the fire pop and crack in the night air. Ignis lets his head rest on Noctis' shoulder, eyes shutting, desperate for comfort. ]
Hold me, please? [ Help me is the quiet plea there. A tear runs down his cheek as his resolve breaks. ]
no subject
Without hesitation he lifts his arms to wind them both around Ignis, pulling him close and holding him tightly. He rests his head on Ignis' hair, exhaling faintly, trying poorly to conceal the worry in his voice.]
I'm here... I'm right here.
[He doesn't know what to do, or if he can even help with this, but he damn well wants to try his best.]
no subject
This is the Noctis that saved his life, that healed him, that's holding him right now.
It's stupid, he thinks, to get hung up on a vision that felt real. He still doesn't know where that came from, it caused him to get captured.
He's breathing slowly and softy, clutching onto Noctis tightly. This is helping him break apart the two Noctis' in his head. This is helping him heal and he needs to before he can talk properly. He's not crying, just trembling a bit. ]
... Thank you. [ tone a bit shaky still, but a bit better than before. He's not quite ready to talk about it, holding onto Noctis even tighter at his own words. ]
no subject
He really, truly wished he knew what the problem was, so he'd know what more to do, but he can't force this. All he can do is keep holding on until Ignis is ready.]
You don't have to thank me for this.
[He's the one who took his eyes off of Ignis, even knowing his life was in danger. Hell, he's the one who brought back the dawn and inspired these murder attempts. This is just as much his fault as theirs.]
no subject
He wants to both laugh and cry at that statement, but he doesn't. He simply keeps holding onto Noctis tightly. He has plenty to thank Noctis for, ever since yesterday, Noctis has been nothing but helpful in regards to Ignis' well being.
It's such a simple emotion, but the love that he feels coming off Noctis is overpowering everything else that he's feeling. He's in the arms of someone that loves him, cares for him. Not in the arms of someone that'll hurt him, no, never. He quickly shakes that off, snapping it back down in his mind.
He's letting himself be selfish here, he's allowed to be, Noctis told him five years ago. He doesn't have to hold anything back anymore, never again. He thinks he's ready to start talking, but he keeps quiet for a bit longer.
Instead, he lifts his head up, planting a kiss on Noctis' lips, arms strengthening his hold on the other man. He pours out his thankfulness, love and care into this. It's short and sweet before he pulls away again, resting his head back onto Noct's shoulder once more. ]
.... I'm ready. [ To talk, but first: ] How'd you find me?
no subject
[It's an easier answer than the panicked tracking he'd had to do while escaping the hunt, or the frightening cries he'd followed. And, he hopes, more reassuring for Ignis. In his heart it's the truth; whatever happens, whether he's taken away by the gods or separated by other means- he'll search for Ignis, so they can be reunited once more. The world's kept them apart long enough already. He'd returned the kiss without hesitation, glad that Ignis felt enough comfort to seek him out that way. He hopes that it, too, helped him.]
Tell me what happened?
no subject
He doesn't want to just yet, first things first, he wants to make a few things clear. Crystal clear, Noctis may not have his memories back, but he's still Noctis. He doesn't want him to be blaming himself over this. Ignis has to admit that he's a bit afraid of Noctis' reaction to this.
Hopefully, the fact that he's clinging to the other man helps Noctis out too, that he felt comfortable enough to seek out Noct's help. He doesn't move from his spot when he starts talking. ]
I love you, [ Ignis whispers quietly ] nothing - nothing - can tear us apart now. You're helping me out a great deal, more than you realize.
[ He takes a shaky breath, hating the words that are about to come out. ]
I've come to believe that I was knocked unconscious, [ he begins quietly. ] after I was knocked out of the battlefield by an anak. That man got the jump on me cause of it, I woke where you found me.
[ This isn't the worst part of it, that's not what terrified him. If he's honest with himself, he started calling out for Noctis cause of the demon that he'd been fighting with in his mind. He'd barely noticed the blade about to come down on him otherwise. ]
During that time while I was out, I was taken back to the shack near Hammerhead. [ He pauses for a second, squeezing onto Noctis tighter. ] I saw you, standing over me, not to help.. [ He doesn't want to say it, so he doesn't. He's trying to keep his tone even as he explains it, but it's coming out shaky again. ]
It was a trick of my mind, [ a chill goes up his back, talking about this is making him face this fear again. That seed had been trying to plant itself in his mind, but he wouldn't let it. ] but when I woke, I saw you again, but it wasn't you.
I... I don't know what scared me more, the mind tricks or that man. [ speaking of mind tricks. ] While I was out, I heard a voice, taunting me. That you wouldn't help or save me.
[ Ignis lifts his head up here, looking up at Noctis. ] I won't let it beat me. You did the exact opposite of what that voice was taunting me with.
Noct, you saved me, healed me and you're helping me now. [ a new determination shows up in Ignis' eyes, determined to come back from this. ] I need you, please help me. I can't do this alone.
[ He still hasn't let go of Noctis, he's afraid to. That and he doesn't want to be alone right now. ]
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Maybe... he shouldn't be using these powers anymore. They're proof that there's something wrong with him- that he's not the right Noct, that he's forgotten, that he's just a replacement sent by the Astrals as some kind of consolation prize. And they don't even know how long he'll be around for.
He looks down at his arms, the marks on his hand that stand out stark over bare skin as he holds Ignis, and his grasp loosens just a little. He shouldn't be holding anyone with these hands...
He struggles, for a little while, to find his voice, and what he at last manages to say is,]
Maybe... we should go back to Insomnia. It'd be safer if you were with your- with other people.
[He wouldn't have terrible visions of Gladio or Prompto, surely. They'd support him like they always did, and he'd find that more familiar. He wouldn't be out on this dangerous journey looking for Noctis' lost memories, when it isn't safe and Noctis himself is just as much the cause of his fear as those hunting him.]
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When Noctis loosens his grip up on Ignis, he only tightens his, tugging Noctis back into that tight embrace. He knew opening up to that was going to hurt Noct, but he hadn't realized it hurt him that bad. He's trembling a little as he holds on. ]
I trust you. I'm safer out here with you, Insomnia is far too dangerous. You did what you had to do to save me, I wouldn't be here if you hadn't used your powers.
[ Ignis looks at Noctis now ] I see someone who loves me, cares for me, who wouldn't dare hurt someone he loves.
[ Noctis isn't a monster, far from it. ]
I need you, [ he repeats his own words from before. ] You asked me to stick closer to you and that's what I'm going to do. You don't want to lose me and I don't want to lose you either, Noct.
I have too much faith in you to let this beat me.
[ He tilts his head up a bit ] I love you, Noct. [ before he's tugging him into a powerful kiss, that says so much.
Don't leave me.
I believe in you, in us.
Please don't go....
He keeps them lip locked, wanting to prove once and for all that he needs his Noctis by his side. He can't go about this alone. He's in good hands, no matter what his mind is trying to tell him. ]
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When he pulls back, he can't help looking distressed, still.]
I didn't mean that I'd leave... but it's dangerous out here, too, and it's just us. I... I'm worried that I won't come in time, if this happens again. If I can't save you...
[He said he'd always find Ignis, and that's true. But he's not all-powerful. Next time, he might arrive too late and find a corpse instead of the man he loves. And considering what Ignis himself had said moments ago, it's a valid fear that they share.]
I won't go anywhere without you. But we don't have to be here. I can live without memories if it means keeping you alive.
[Ignis has already sacrificed plenty for him. What's he sacrificed? He has so little to give now, so it isn't a great demand, in exchange for the safety and security of more of their friends.]
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He gives a pained smile. ]
I'm underneath strict orders to stay away from Insomnia, [ that had come from Prompto himself and Gladio, both of them will kill Ignis if he returned knowing that his life is in greater risk there. ] We couldn't return if we wanted to.
[ A wave of relief floods his system, Noctis won't leave him. He'd been afraid of Noct leaving him after hearing that, he's determined to keep it that way now. ]
It's dangerous no matter which way we go, but it's safer out here. [ He's stubborn on that point, Insomnia holds too many people. Someone had gotten into a business meeting, who knows what other nasty traps there are waiting for him. At least out here, he had hide in the shadows and watch his back easier. ]
Out here, we have other towns to hide in. [ he exhales a sigh ] That first man you killed got into a business meeting somehow, who knows what other traps are waiting for me if I go back. My best guards could be one of them, I don't know.
[ He sets his hand on Noctis' cheek, thumb idly rubbing there. ]
I'm in good hands out here. There's no one else I'd rather have watching my back. And if you end up in trouble, I'll find you. [ He'll admit that he's a dangerous force to be reckoned with if Noctis ends up in danger.
He shakes his head a little. ]
... It's my fault I got into this mess this time around. Out of habit I threw my daggers, I haven't fought side by side with you like that in ages. I used to be able to recall them, but I can't anymore. I'll be more careful next time.
[ he lets another sigh escape him, if he only hadn't thrown his daggers, then he wouldn't ended up in trouble again. ]
We'll keep each other alive. [ Altissia, that daemon on the final night springs to mind quickly ] I know you're scared that you won't make it in time, but we have to believe in each other, I believe that you'll save me if it happens again.
Don't doubt yourself, Noct.
[ A thought springs to mind, hopefully it helps Noctis out. ]
You recall our shared dream, do you remember asking me what it took to be brave and what I told you? Let that help you in saving me and I'll do the same if it happens to you. [ Love, it's such a powerful force that it can make a man do stupid things for the ones that they love. Ignis is no exception to this, he knows what he's capable of. ]
I'm due for a bit of payback, don't you think? I'd like to take down these terrorists myself. [ They caught him twice, not again. He wants revenge after his life has been on the line twice in a row by now. ]
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Ignis' last words make a particular thought come to mind, and his brows lift a bit, considering it.]
Now that you say that... there's no reason for us to be doing all the running, here. We should be the ones hunting them.
[They're heroes, soldiers, saviors of the world. These guys are just criminals who can't accept change. This isn't how it's supposed to go.]
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[ Ignis considers his thoughts for a moment. ]
Let's take the time to review what we know. They hate the dawn and both attempts on my life have been at night. I think we'll be alright during the day.
[ He pauses for a second, not liking this next thought. ]
They have the upper hand on us, they know who I am, we don't know who these men are. Or what they look like. [ He frowns a little, shifting a little, arms going a little tighter on Noctis. ]
That's a problem.
[ A tiniest flicker of fear hits him. ] Noct, you took down two of their men, they have got to be nervous as to why my body hasn't shown up dead. I'm worried, [ scared even ] that they might getting the idea that I'm not alone. You'll have to be careful going forward with me. I'm afraid that they might go after you next.
[ He rests his head back down on Noctis' shoulder, listening to the fire still pop in the background. ] I won't let them hurt you. [ Not if he can't help it that is. ]
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Let them. ...Come at me, I mean. If we get their eyes on me, you can come at them from behind. They'll regret even thinking about it.
[They've more than earned a little payback... later, though. When Ignis is fully recovered, not just a half-assed healing that leaves him too weakened to fight back against the next attack. Surely they can shake off a few assassins until then. The world's a big place.]
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His wounds have been healed, thanks to Noctis, but he knows he needs to make a full recovery first. It's life though, stuff just happens. They can't predict when the next attack will be other than possibly at night hours if he's correct on that assumption.
A small smile tugs on his face at Noctis' words, hearing the scowl in his tone. He's been awfully protective over Ignis since he's returned, he appreciates it greatly, but he's due to protect Noctis. Hopefully it doesn't come to that. ] I'll always have your back. [ he murmurs quietly ]
[ He recalls a many of time when they've set up camp and Noctis complains about being tired, Ignis insisting that he stay up for food at least. That hasn't changed here, he's tired himself, but he refuses to let them go to bed hungry.
He pulls his head back a bit, planting a kiss on Noct's cheek before he pulls back a bit more. ]
I'll need some assistance in cooking something. [ No, he doesn't, but he's curious if that'll spark up any new memories within Noctis. He's not taking no for an answer either. ]
No vegetables. [ Not after what Noctis has done for him tonight here, off the hook just this once.... for now, he supposes. ]
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Noctis lets him go with minimal reluctance, pushing himself to his feet and moving to fuss with some of the supplies, poking through the food they'd found. Some fresh, some rations, spices... with Ignis' skills, there's plenty they can make a decent meal out of.]
I won't die if I eat vegetables. [He'll just whine about it, probably.] Wish we could've had anak meat tonight, though.
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Consider it as a thank you, [ he replies back, picking up one of the meats. ] you've done an awful lot for me.
[ A wave of guilt hits him, but it's not his fault that they're on the run. ]
We'll get that anak meat tomorrow.
[ Ignis pushes himself up to get what he needs to start cooking, getting the burner ready. He plops the meat down, fishing out a knife to start preparing it.
Before his capture, he told Noctis to go with his instinct: ] Did you recall anything about using a sword?
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[This trip is in part for him after all; they may not be running for his sake, but his needs are factoring into their destinations. And he has no doubt that Ignis will be helping him parse those memories before too long. Still, if Ignis will feel better by spoiling him, he won't say no.
He thinks back to the fight; he hadn't been in it for long before he'd been overwhelmed and had to go looking for Ignis, but...]
It started to come back to me, I think. My body moved on its own... it wanted me to warp, but I had to hold that back, since I don't think I can anymore. You were right, though. I still have those instincts.
[He just needs to figure out how to separate good instincts from bad, since he can't do everything he used to anymore.]
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He gets the meat going in the skillet. ]
Indeed, it was quite difficult to keep up with you sometimes. [ the first hint of a playful smirk on his face since his rescue. ]
You'll find your way in battle again. [ Just like Ignis had to when he was blind for a good ten years. ]
What about now? Anything feel familiar about the camp? [ It's just them for the moment, but Gladio and Prompto had been around as well, rough housing while Ignis cooked. ]
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[Noctis glances around, taking in the visual- the tent, the equipment, the chairs around the fire. He purses his lips, quiet for a long moment.]
...It's too quiet. Not enough chairs.
[While setting things up he'd reached for a third and fourth chair, and had had to catch himself and stop before it confused him. The lack of bustle, arguing, and chatter is a little jarring as well.]
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[ Though Ignis welcomes the quiet tonight. After Noctis' death, he went camping once a year himself, this is the first in a while where he's had someone else with him.
It's small steps, but Ignis feels like that they're making progress on Noctis' memories. As they keep moving, he gets the feeling that Noctis will keep remembering things, big or small.
He flips the meat, turning it over. ]
You're still Noct at the core, [ he looks at Noctis now, giving a smile - the first in a while. Regardless of how many memories he can get back, he's still Noctis, to Ignis. ] even if you don't get all of your memories back, I still see you, for you. [ It's why he'd fell in love with Noctis in the first place, but that's another topic for another time. ]
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I... wasn't sure if you'd still want me. If I couldn't come back the way I used to be. I didn't want to say anything, but...
[He'd been afraid. Afraid it was the truth, afraid of Ignis' answer, afraid of hurting him with the question. He didn't want to be an incomplete version, when Ignis deserved someone whole.
To see him smiling like that, offering an answer to the question Noct didn't even ask yet... it's such a comfort.]
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He only needs one hand for the meat so he gets an arm around Noctis' waist, tugging him as close to Ignis as he can. ]
Nothing could be further from the truth, [ he says softly, giving Noctis a glance. ] your old and new memories will make up the new you and I love you just the same. Nothing can shake the way how I feel about you.
[ He truly means that. It's been five years since he felt that stir in his chest, love, but even he can't explain it. It's just something the he feels deep down, something that's unbreakable. ]
I still want you at my side, Noct. [ Now and forever, if he says anything to say about it. ]
I'm yours. [ Those two words had gone unspoken between them before five years ago, quietly passing them. ]
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